Wednesday, February 6th, Day 155,
Getting Ready to Exercise
If you would like to join me in this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.
State of the Union
Last night I watched the State of the Union address with my husband. I have not been a fan of Donald Trump, but I think he did a good job last night. I think he is working to give Americans an advantage, in much the same way he worked to give himself an advantage in the past. However, I will not say more as I do not want to get too political on my blog.
Helping My Husband
Last night my husband did okay. He did not eat or drink much yesterday. I gave him some soup last night, but he only had a little. This morning, I offered to order him Gatorade or ginger ale, but he said he would just drink Berkey water (water from our Berkey filter).
I offered him soup just now. He said, “in a little while.” Now I will get a shower. I have already ordered groceries, but they are not coming for at least 80 minutes.
I showered and had a nap. The groceries will come any minute.
Communication with the Divine?
I do not feel motivated to go to the rec center every day as per my conversation yesterday, but I know it would be one of the best things I could do. For the next few days, I will work at getting myself a little more put together and mentally ready for it. I do not feel motivated for every day, but perhaps I can do it once, then once again, and so on.
Whether or not God or my Higher Self talked to me, I felt love and understanding in our conversation. If only I could always live up to the suggestions I receive! Perhaps the blizzard today is frightening me. There will be warmer days ahead. A daily meditation to relax and work on the success of going to the rec center is where I can start. Relaxation is really the key to what I need to do anyway. If I get too worked up over how well I am executing my plan, I could tense up all over again.
There. I have my meditation written. It is based on my success meditation. Here is the text:
Exercise Success Meditation
This meditation is designed to relax you for success. Exercise today to reach 110 pounds.
Sit or lie back. Get comfortable.
Conscious Breathing Exercise
Focus your attention on your breathing.
While meditating, we practice conscious breathing. At least two times a day, do the following exercise. Let me explain it, then we’ll do it, twice. First, inhale through your nose for four seconds. Second, hold your breath for seven seconds. Then, exhale slowly through the mouth for eight seconds. Breathe from the abdomen rather than the chest.
Ready? Inhale. Two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale slowly, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Again. Inhale. Two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Exhale slowly, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
Good. This will reduce stress.
Imagine a trickling, sparkling stream.
Let your thoughts drift in and away one-by-one on loose leaves flowing downstream.
Body Scan and Progressive Relaxation
Think of the seventh purple chakra at the crown of your head and relax down to your forehead and loosen the tiny muscles around your eyes.
Relax your cheeks, tongue, lips, and neck.
Square your shoulders and relax them.
Straighten your back and let the tension go.
Relax your arms, hands, and fingers.
Concentrate on your breathing, and relax your legs, feet, and toes.
Relax your entire body.
Affirmation of Worth
Remember, your self-worth is infinite. Your value is independent of your performance.
Relaxed Goal Orientation
You are preparing yourself to once again weigh 110 pounds.
Today, in a relaxed manner, drive to the rec center, and do the exercise of your choice, for as long as you desire. Be open to meeting people and exchanging business cards.
Remember, to succeed, you must have clarity, courage, productivity, influence, necessity, and energy. Overcome the obstacles that will come your way and turn them into opportunities.
You are beautiful. You are talented. Talent does not matter. Experience does. Practice progressive mastery.
Remember, you do not need to go faster and faster; just pay attention to what you are doing. Do your most valuable activities.
Relax. Drive and exercise today.
You will do it!
More Thoughts in My Morning
Wow! I do not have that recorded on mp3 yet, but I think it is going to sound good. My groceries have not arrived yet. My husband asked for his leftover soup from last night.
I can replace the other meditation I was using with this one and play it daily. I already had some breakfast this morning. It is only 10:17 AM, and I feel hungry already.
Weight, Diet, and Exercise
I did not get a weight reading this morning. My weight is probably holding fairly steady. Diet is very important, and so is exercise. I typically always do some kind of exercise, but since getting married, I have not always been doing it. Currently, I have trouble getting myself away from my husband. I invite him to come with me, but he always turns me down.
I do not want to sound like I am blaming my husband. However, I think it is more challenging to get myself to move than when I was single. This blog is where I explore solutions to that. Eventually, I am going to figure it out.
Groceries are Late
My groceries have still not arrived. They are 40 minutes late. Instacart says my shopper is in transit on her way here. She may be having some difficulty. It is getting colder out. My phone’s ringer was turned off. I corrected that, and now I am ready. To get in the building, she needs to contact me by cell phone, and I need to let her in.
Sensitivity and Response
Maxwell Maltz in Psycho-Cybernetics, writes about people who are hypersensitive, but instead of suggesting that you accommodate to it, like Barrie Davenport, he suggests that you overcome the sensitivity. Maxwell, in the 1950’s may not have been aware of some of the research Barrie had access to in this century.
It is true that it is our own response that hurts us when we respond to negative feedback from others. It is also the meaning we give feedback that causes us to feel anger, sadness, rejection, etc. If we could only re-write the meaning we give things! I think to some extent, we can do that. I used to take offense when my husband called me ‘turkey,’ then I decided it was a love word. Now, when he says “gobble gobble” or “T-U-R-K-E-Y,” I smile and consider it an endearment, and I think he even means it that way. I have not stopped him from saying those things, but I have stopped my negative reaction to it.
The groceries finally arrived! I learned how to track the shopper on the map. She apologized for being late. It is already snowing, and it is very cold. She had a hard time with that delivery. I thanked her and asked her to have a good day.
I have not found a way to broach the subject of going out for exercise with my husband. Yesterday, I did mention getting out to run errands. He thought I could do that when he was feeling better. Perhaps I could get out daily for errands and include my exercise. It is just that exercise would take a lot more total time than my errands typically do.
I think doing your suggestions yesterday would be extremely good for me. However, I just do not know how I can implement them. I am still concerned about what to do about my husband, and I am concerned about my ability to motivate myself. As You know, I am not that motivated to drive anyway.
Lord: Did you put your exercise in JV Life Tracker?
Not yet. However, I did write out the meditation we planned. However, I have not recorded it yet.
Lord: Start with putting your exercise in JV Life Tracker.
Okay, I scored 12 points for yesterday. I added, “Drive to rec center and exercise.”
Lord: How many points is that activity worth?
I have been limiting everything on my master task list to one point, even though I could expand activities to multiple points.
Lord: How many points is it worth?
I thought of 6 major goals it could fulfill. It is probably worth at least 6 points.
Lord: Okay. Expand it.
Okay, I did. Now I will have that goal in front of me every day, assuming that I keep doing my JV Life Tracker.
Lord: You will.
I have been scoring JV Life Tracker every day since my “birthday” on January 14, 2019.
I have not been that consistent at going to the gym in the past. I am afraid I am going to have the same problems again.
Lord: How far did you have to go before?
It was 4.2 miles.
Lord: And now you have 1.1 miles to go?
It might seem easier, but I still have to get dressed, go down the elevator or stairs to the basement garage, get out of the garage, drive, park, get out, walk into the rec center, etc. And then come all the way back.
Lord: I understand. How can you make it more fun for yourself?
If I had someone to go with, it would be more fun.
Lord: Do you know anyone?
I have a neighbor who works out at the rec center. I have talked to him while walking in the hall. His wife is in a wheelchair.
Lord: What if you went with him?
I feel like I would impose on him to ask.
Lord: Where is that courage you were going to summon within yourself?
Well, if he drives, I would not get the practice driving.
Lord: True. So you do not want him to drive you.
If I go when he does, I will not have has much flexibility about when to go.
Lord: That is true too.
And if I go with a man who is not my husband, that might not be good for my marriage.
Lord: That is possible too.
What should I do then?
Lord: I suggest you let him know you are going to the rec center too and trade stories about what you are doing.
Make it a shared experience.
I could do that after going there for a while. I probably should keep a log of what I do also.
Some days, due to weather like today, I simply am not going to go. I should have an alternate plan.
Lord: You can walk in the hallway.
I kind of like doing that because I have met all the neighbors on this floor that way.
I could have a log for that as well.
Lord: That would be good.
I am tempted to skip driving and just commit to hallway walking.
Lord: That will thwart your goal for being more relaxed behind the wheel.
That is true. I used to keep grid books where I would make a calendar and add stickers or stars for exercise completed.
Lord: I remember that.
I do not have that stuff now, but that may be a good idea for my readers, if that sort of thing motivates them.
Lord: What will motivate you?
I do not know. It does not get easier to do this with age. I kind of want to swim, but in the recent past, swimming gave me hypothermia, and that was de-motivating.
Lord: I understand.
I must be getting very fussy in my old age. A pool temperature too high makes me feel tired, and if it is too low, it gives me hypothermia. I take Risperdal for bipolar disorder, which makes me hypersensitive to either cold and heat. Before I was on it, I was a lot more tolerant of temperature changes.
Lord: That could add to your stress as well.
I feel frustrated. I have not been able to swim much since I have been medicated. Every time I try it, it does not work out for some reason.
Lord: Let us do some kind of weight bearing exercise. Does the rec center have a walking track?
I think they do. And I could do weights as long as I do not overdo them.
Lord: That is good. KaeLyn, you have long wanted to swim regularly. We have already been through swimming plans several times.
I guess it is something that was right for me when I was younger, but perhaps not now. I could try it again.
Lord: Let us start with an exercise you will be sure to do.
When I was younger, it was my dream to swim until I was 100. Now I am only 57, and swimming has not been working out for me. I am so disappointed.
Lord: Why not do it after a workout, if you feel like it?
I could try that. That is something I have not tried. I could get in the pool, but not depend on it for fitness. I could also just get in the hot tub and/or sauna. I think I would enjoy that.
Lord: You would.
That would be relaxing too. Besides that, I could meet people that way.
Tonight, I ate way over my calorie budget. I will have to see the effect of that tomorrow. I kind of dread it, but the only other option I have now is not a very good one.
It is bitterly cold out tonight with the wind chill in the minus degrees Fahrenheit. It is still snowing out as well. I am glad we got our groceries this morning.
I have been studying more of Maxwell Maltz’ book Psycho-Cybernetics. I used to practice his idea of a Quiet Room in my mind. I have not been there for a time, and the place is probably in disrepair. I will have to renovate my room and spend some more time there. Perhaps my Quiet Room will trigger my creative juices or settle my over-active nerves.
Maxwell has a lot of ideas about how to stop being so overly sensitive, or over-reacting to negative stimuli. I actually do a pretty good job of keeping my environment quiet. I have a cell phone, actually two of them, but I do not look at them and respond to them all the time.
I want to feel comfortable in social situations. Maxwell talks about the real self or personality of each person. He says if it is not inhibited, it is always pleasing. My husband says I have personality and around him my personality is uninhibited. If I can let my personality loose in public places too, that would be nice. It is good to know that the real self is pleasing. I have been afraid that the real me would not be liked. Maxwell says it is the inhibited self that comes across as a phony.
I think my excessive inhibitions stem from the treatment (drugs and hospitalization) I have had for mania, a state when I was way too uninhibited. Maxwell Maltz describes the condition of being too uninhibited as being very rare. I believe I have over-reacted to the treatment (negative feedback) and clammed up too much, covering up and inhibiting my real self. I want to let my real self loose without fear.
I have thought about this in relation to my blog. I believe my real self is coming out in my blog. Sometimes I have gotten afraid and thought I should be more inhibited and concerned about what people are going to think. According to Maxwell, that is exactly what I should not do. If I get inhibited, self-conscious, and fail to express myself, my personality will be hidden and not work its magic.