It is already 7:23 PM.  I drove to the rehab center today.  Before I even left, I experienced a lot of stress.  I tried to get my husband’s housing bill paid, but the finance department will not work with me unless I have financial power-of-attorney.

 

We had a therapy meeting.  The senior director of rehabilitation thought my husband was progressing, but he did not think he would be ready for his next step within twenty days.  He thought thirty days may be sufficient.  My step-son and I are still hoping we can get him into alcohol rehab when he is released.

 

 

In addition, my step-son said he and his wife are still negotiating with the executive director of this retirement complex to get an exception for me to the 62-years-of-age minimum because of my disability.  We have not been told no yet, so it is still possible that I could become a resident.

 

 

Though my husband is recovering, mentally he is still very slow.  I have trouble carrying on a conversation with him.  It seems worse than before the accident.  The accident involved a blow to the head.  I heard his head make a cracking sound against the bathroom tile floor.  The hospital did not say he had sustained brain damage during the accident, but I wonder.  He did not break any bones, but what happened to his brain?  In addition, the drugs he is on may have cognitive effects.  The rehab center gave him a drug for his shaking, as I requested.  Even if my husband would answer the telephone, which he does not, I do not know if I could carry on a conversation with him.

 

The impact of this hit me hard as I was driving home tonight, amplifying my stress.  What am I going to do?  Fortunately, writing my blog provides intellectual stimulation.  Lately, I have been talking to many other people.  However, the man I used to talk with on the phone two or more hours per day appears to be gone.

 

 

I feel some softening in my feelings about the rehab center, so I may emend my review about them, not tonight, however.  I still think they should fix the communication issue, but it is minor compared to all of the other work they do.  With all the stress I was under, I was very upset.  I left a message for my husband yesterday at the rehab center, and he got it.

 

 

What should I do about my stress/fatigue/despondency?  Fortunately, I found some gluten-free food at the cafeteria tonight.  However, the majority of what they make is not gluten-free, so I have to look long and hard for something.

 

I told the cook at the rehab center that I have fatigue from stress.  

 

I am not handling the stress very well.  The first week after the accident, I did okay, but now the cumulative fatigue caused by stress is wearing me down.  I may need to stay home again tomorrow.  However, I stayed home yesterday, and it did not restore me.  I just worried about getting kicked out of this place.  I thought I might find something in the Handbook that would allow me to be an intermittent visitor, but it was not worded that way.  Now my hopes are dashed except to rely on the mercy of the executive director.  My step-son’s wife has his ear.  Perhaps my best hope is to think I may still become a resident, but there has been no positive word on that so far.

 

 

Bless his heart, my step-son said that if I needed a place to stay in the area that he would personally arrange it.  I feel like my step-son is an ally, which is very comforting, even though I do not know him really well.

 

 

My step-son wants to do a long list of legal things with my husband.  He will get some papers together.

 

 

I wanted to visit with my neighbor across the hall when I got home.  I knocked on her door.  There was no answer.  Perhaps she cannot hear the sound of the knocker over the TV.  It is getting late now, or I would try calling her.

 

 

I probably should get my reading glasses on before I continue writing, but I am doing okay without them.  However, sometimes I start to hurt from eyestrain later on, so I had better get them.

 

I got my eyeglasses and also got a large 16-fluid-ounce cup of water.  I love the enhanced ice water the rehab center has for visitors to drink.  However, it is so cold, I cannot drink a lot of it at a time.  I need a lot of water.  I think I am a bit dehydrated.

 

 

Today is my special day.  How can I make the most of the coming year?  How can I even get through the next two weeks?  Fortunately, my relationship with my mother has greatly improved since I came to Colorado.  I just needed a little distance from her.  In addition, it seems like everyone is on my side.  I should be really happy about that.  Yesterday, I bought a laptop computer with my own money.  Perhaps that is a gift to myself.  I pray that it is going to work.  Except for a used computer I bought long ago, it is the least I have ever spent on a computer.

 

 

So let me list a few things I am grateful for.  My gratitude practice has slipped in recent days and needs a little refurbishing.

 

I am grateful:

1.	my husband’s checking account has not bounced.
2.	my husband is still alive.
3.	my mother and I are getting along and communicating with understanding.
4.	I am getting an 8 GB RAM, 256 GB solid state drive laptop with a DVD drive.
5.	I did not gain weight last night, even though I ate a lot yesterday.  All that walking yesterday must have helped.
6.	I still have a place to stay, and my step-son has promised to arrange a place for me if I do not.
7.	I have an attractive, new, warm winter parka.
8.	my bank is right along the path to the rehab center, where I got some cash today for food.
9.	I am on Day 44 of my journey.  I am still in the game.
10.	I drove safely today.
11.	I can see fairly well close without reading glasses and even better at a distance.
12.	I still weigh less than 120.0 pounds, even with all the stress.

 

 

Speaking of stress, I read once that someone had a lot of people ask him to help them be able to handle more stress.  Instead he would teach them how to reduce stress in their lives.  He thought that was more powerful than teaching his clients to handle more.  Keeping that in mind, what would reduce my stress?

 

Let me think of some possibilities.

 

1.	Visit my husband only every other day, or three or four times a week, instead of five.
2.	Take Lyft occasionally rather than driving every time.
3.	Stay in bed later in the morning.
4.	Write shorter blogs, but keep posting daily.
5.	Visit with friends.
6.	Resume and continue my gratitude practice.
7.	Drink ample amounts of water.
8.	Try writing my husband messages in cards.  He may comprehend them.
9.	Resume JV Life Tracker.
10.	Resume meditation practice.
11.	Trust my step-son that he will arrange a place for me.  Do not worry about being homeless.
12.	Do not think about going back to Utah.  Colorado is my home.
13.	Trust my step-son to arrange the necessary legal work.  Support him as necessary.
14.	Trust that God is watching over me and will help me.  Keep praying and recording prayers.
15.	Trust my own abilities and learn all I can.
16.	Take tomorrow off: sleep in, post a blog, practice gratitude, do my Big Four, visit my friend.