Thursday, October 11th, Day Thirty-Seven, Hope
My weight is back down to 119.8. I still have a way to go to reach my lowest point in this journey, which is 117.0 pounds. I am working through some major stresses in my life.
In 15 minutes I will go across the hall and greet my new friend and neighbor. She has agreed to let me play her keyboard.
I am munching on spinach leaves, while tracking my entire nutritional intake so far today on Cronometer. If you wish to join this journey from the beginning, see Day One.
Soon I will leave for the rehab center, where my husband is undergoing therapy following a fall he had eight days ago. I have not seen him since Tuesday as I took a break from visiting him yesterday to recover my own health and strength.
I got to the rehab center at almost noon. My husband had a therapy meeting at 1:30 PM with a therapist, the nurse manager, and a social worker. His son and myself were also there. We went through the goals for his therapy. They are simply to get him strong and capable enough to do alcohol rehab when he gets out.
The activities director came, brought him The Denver Post, and interviewed him about the types of activities he enjoys or wants to do. Some of the activities on her list were things he used to do but has not done for some time like walking, hiking, gardening, and playing cards and Bingo.
It has been wet and cold today. I feel chilled even though I still have my coat on. My neighbor gave me some of her winter clothes. I enjoyed play her piano today and wore a nice long-sleeved blue blouse she gave me to the rehab center.
I tracked my food as well as I could in Cronometer today. I did okay, except that I ate some food at the rehab center. It was tasty, but a bit “calorific”. Cronometer says that I am 224 calories over-budget. Hopefully, I will not gain weight, but I will have to see what the scales say tomorrow morning. I hope I have overestimated what my portion size was.
I left my husband while he was sleeping. I let the staff know that I was leaving.
I visited with my neighbor and friend just before I got back to my residence, and she told me about her father’s alcoholism. She had a very difficult childhood as a result.
My Step Son’s Hope
My step-son is really hopeful that my husband will actually do alcohol rehab. I do not believe he has ever done it since I have known him, and that has been almost thirteen years. It may just change his life completely. I hear there are drugs that can help take away the desire to drink. If he could benefit from something like that, it would be wonderful.
What can I do to prepare? Of course, one obvious thing is to get rid of the alcohol in the house. I am not quite ready to toss it, but I probably will. I would like to have my husband on board with that, and so far he has not given me the signal. I may even do it without his express okay. If he actually goes to alcohol rehab, I may consider him to be in implied agreement.
I said last night that I was afraid to hope that he would stay sober. I am going to hope for it anyway. The consequences for him if he does not stay sober are dire. I just have to hope for the best.
My husband has the book, Healing the Addicted Brain by Harold C. Urschel, M.D. He has read much of it because I see his markings in the book. That may be good reading for me. Let me study a chapter or so and return with comments.
Dr. Urschel offers hope, but also says how hard it is to heal. He says that addictions cause brain damage that takes a long time to recover, if it ever does completely.
I fell asleep and just got up to get ready for bed.
My weight was neither up nor down this morning. It is still at 119.8 pounds. That is good news for now.
Thinking of my strategy, maybe I could eat the same house salad this evening but have her put less cheese on it. I could even eat it without salad dressing. I suppose I could even take some of the cheese off myself and put it in the refrigerator in my husband’s room.
Review of Nutrition Intake
In addition, when reviewing my nutrition intake in Cronometer, I noticed that I consumed only 102.6 net carbs and 13.7 grams of fructose yesterday, which probably worked in my favor. On the average, for days I have recorded fully the past eight weeks, I consumed 19.3 grams of fructose.
Progress Not Perfection
I could leave before dinner time, but my appetite says I want something to eat. Yesterday, I stayed at the rehab center six hours rather than the four I planned. That is still better than ten hours. So even though I did not follow my plan exactly, it was still an improvement–progress not perfection. Even though I did not lose weight, I did not gain over two pounds like I did my first day there.