Sunday, October 7th, Day Thirty-Three
It is the beginning of a new week. I love new beginnings. It is time to stop giving in to the stress in my life. Dear reader, if you want to follow this journey from the beginning, start with September fifth.
It is 6:55 AM. I have just posted for yesterday, Saturday.
I have heard that chronic stress is bad for you, but what is a really good way of combating it? Let me learn as I go. Of course, there is meditation. Let me do that three-minute walking meditation to get started. It is called The Settling Moment by Tom Foulstone.
There. Now my mind is in a slightly better place. That only took three minutes. It is time for me to get a shower. Maybe I will find a stress buster in that.
I found a stress buster in singing in the shower. I sang a prayer, asking for peace. Let me write a prayer as well.
I ask for a blessing of peace this day. Help me to feel safe. Help me to feel the love of my husband. He is in the hospital, waiting for me to visit him. Let me have a few moments for myself first, before I get on the road.
Lord, what can I do to relieve myself of the stress I feel? When my husband and I tell stories to each other, they are always about us. We always end the story, “happily ever after”. Is there a “happily ever after” for us? Happily ever after starts with today. It starts with being happy today.
Last night I talked to a friend from Utah on the phone. He said, “You sound happy.” I must have sounded okay. I am glad I have not caved in completely to stress so far. Yes, something is holding me up. It must be you, Lord. It could be partially my excitement about my blog that I so far still have been able to do. I have gained some weight, but I have not capitulated completely. Let me acknowledge myself on that.
Lord, my sugar addiction is biting me again. What can I do about that? Sugar is so freely available at the hospital. I confess I have succumbed. What do you recommend for me?
Oh, I could take some nuts to the hospital for snacking. Yes, I have learned to use nuts instead of sugar. They have been very helpful in the past. There. I just put 37 grams of cashews in my purse. Cashews are a good substitute for sugar and not nearly as addicting.
Now, I need to set an intention to avoid sugar today. I intend to avoid sugar today, Lord. Will you make me strong against my addiction?
I have had the strength to break my addiction in the past, not always in hospitals though. For more ammunition, I think I will take some walnuts too; I may be at the hospital for a while. There. I have 33 grams of walnuts as well. Now I am prepared.
I just had a pear (legal sugar) with my typical breakfast with fish oil, and garcinia cambogia. I took my supplement cocktail.
Some exercise next would help. I have not done the plank for way too long. There. I can still do 1:16 minutes. I think I will increase that a second next time.
A walk would be good. My hair is still wet, so I cannot comb my hair. I will just walk around the apartment.
I did a brain dump to do list while walking. The main thing is getting a place to live that will be suitable for both of us, where we can live together that we can afford. We need to see how well my husband does medically.
I am topping off breakfast with a cucumber. It has a fair amount of potassium, so my potassium to sodium ratio is up to 8.677.
I am getting ready to go. My hair is not dry enough to brush yet, and I do not even have a blow dryer. I could have brought one with me from Utah, but I did not. I will wait a few minutes yet.
My friend from Utah said last night that there could possibly be an exception 62-year-old-age-limit rule, if you are disabled. I got the number for the management office from the front desk. I can contact the administrative assistant tomorrow. If I can get an exception, maybe we will not have to move after all. I do not think the executive director was aware of the fact that I am disabled.
The doctor wants to do an MRI to see if the balance structure in the back of my husband’s brain is intact or damaged. This will help the doctor determine how much of a recovery he can hope to make.
My husband’s son arrived here shortly after I did. We discussed our options. I mentioned the possibility of getting an exception to the age rule due to my disability. He said his wife is going to contact the executive director of our retirement complex about it.
A second choice is for my husband to stay where he is and for me to get an apartment very close. I know my husband does not want to live apart, but this might work for me. It might relieve me of night duty and allow me to sleep. I could spend some nights with him, but I could rest up when needed. After five years, we could live together again.
I had a delicious carefully-ordered lunch of baked salmon, baked zucchini and summer squash, mashed potatoes with just butter, and water. I used one pat of butter rather than the two they gave me. The only mistake I made was eating all of the rather large piece of salmon. My husband said he loves salmon. I could have given part of it to him. I said we will have to do that for dinner.
I clipped my husband’s fingernails. The occupational therapist came. She cleaned his eyes and got him in his arm chair with the Sara Stedy.
My husband and I prayed together that his son’s wife will negotiate an exception due to my disability or for any reason. My husband would do the best where he is, and we want to stay together.
I took a walk across a bridge to the other tower. There was a lounge over there and a critical care unit. I came back and laid down for a few minutes.
The nurses returned and got my husband back in bed, again using the Sara Stedy. I am feeling a headache from being on the floor.
I am a bit dehydrated right now. I filled up a hospital pitcher with ice and water.
My husband is sleeping again. I am feeling a little hungry, but I am not going to touch the brownie on my husband’s tray. I already set that intention. I have walnuts still. I ate the cashews while waiting for lunch.
I just got some more ice and water. I think I will eat up to half my walnuts. I have been trying to skip my afternoon snack, but maybe this time of stress is not a time to push that on myself. If I stay off sugar today I am doing well.
There. It is a good thing I set an intention to eat half the walnuts or I would have eaten them all.
The SLP arrived to do cognitive exercises. She left because she did not want to disturb his sleeping.
Last night my husband and I watched TV for a while. We got bored and turned it off. We do not even have a TV at home.
The CNA came in to get my husband’s blood pressure. She did not seem to mind waking him up.
Instead of sitting I am going to stand or walk around. My back is hurting. My husband managed to get right back to sleep.
Dinner came. I had salmon with zucchini and summer squash and garden salad with ranch dressing. I topped it with two servings of unsweetened applesauce. I shared part of the salmon with my husband. He thought it was good. He got meatloaf himself as he is on auto-tray. He also got a giant cookie and ice cream, but I am not touching that.
It looks like they are doing the MRI tonight. A nurse came in to get my husband. He wanted to finish dinner first. I suggested they give him a time limit as waiting until he finishes could take all evening.
My husband does not have very good coordination with his hands. He eats very slowly and makes a big mess. He has me open some of his containers. Hopefully rehab can help him with his eating as well as his walking.
I called the nurses to help him sit up further in bed so he can eat more comfortably.
According to Cronometer, I ate about 2072 calories today, so I likely will not lose weight. Maybe I can get by with fewer nuts tomorrow. If I would have eaten a smaller piece of salmon, it would have helped.
I still need to work on my need to always clean my plate. Maybe some more tapping is in order.
My husband is still here. No MRI yet. I wonder if he is getting nervous. He said he is not.
The nurse is here to get him.
He is gone. I told him I would wait. That will put my total stay today at over 10 hours.
You must wonder where my emotions are by now. I am pretty tired. My future is uncertain. I do not even know if I will be living with my husband. It might work out with us apart, but I could get lonely again. I suppose I could practically live at his place and just keep a few things at mine. I will probably need a laptop computer after all so I can do work at his place and mine.
However, my step-daughter-in-law may be able to negotiate an exception for us. We have prayed for a miracle. Miracles do happen. Will you, reader, pray also? Pray that we can be together the way married people should be. My parents are living apart now, and it breaks my heart.
I just went for more water. I need tons of water. This room looks so empty without the hospital bed.
You may wonder what happened to the Grand Junction idea. I have no idea how I could get my husband there. We would also lack the support of my step-son. He is more supportive than I realized.
Before I came to Colorado I did not know how much my husband’s condition had deteriorated. Even his son was surprised at his condition. I have done my best to deal with it, but I have no nursing experience. I have been watching the nurses here They have their equipment, which helps.
A Sara Stedy would be nice to have at home, but would it roll over a plush carpet? Is it too wide for our doors? Is it too big to fit into our residence? I have only seen it used in a hospital. There might be a reason for that.
My husband should be back in about 15 more minutes.
I got back after 8:00 PM last night in the cold rain. I talked to my friend in Utah and Mom before retiring.
This morning I weighed 0.3 pounds less than yesterday! I did not expect to lose, but I did. Maybe that inspiration about the nuts was from my Higher Power after all.