Saturday, September 22nd, Day Eighteen, Symptoms

Saturday, September 22nd, Day Eighteen, Symptoms

 

Morning

 
I did not lose any more weight this morning.  After a stressful day yesterday, that is not surprising.  However, I am still in the game.
 
It is 5:46 AM.  I have already posted yesterday’s entry to my blog this morning.  I got up again after retiring last night and edited yesterday’s entry until it was nearly ready.
 

My Home, Colorado

 
Yesterday my husband said, “I liked it when I heard you singing your song, Colorado, My Home.” Colorado, My Home is a spontaneous song that came out of my heart as I was cleaning the kitchen.  My husband must have overheard me singing it.  I do feel at home here, after just a few whirlwind weeks.  My song was of happiness and contentment.  Now that I am home, I plan to plant my feet firmly here.
 
On Wednesday, just before leaving the building to pick up my husband’s repaired eyeglasses, I met a lady who lives across the hallway. We exchanged our names, and she said my husband had mentioned to her that he was going to return to Utah to be with a woman there.  I said that I was that woman and I had come to Colorado to be with him.  She said I was young to be living here.  I said I was 56, and she said she was 86.  She invited me to knock on her door.  I have not taken her up on that yet, but I want to soon.  I could share my wedding photos with her.
 
The weather has been warm lately.  The same day while I was at Wal-Mart, getting the glasses, a nice couple greeted me in the parking lot and asked me if I was from Utah.  I said yes.  They visited with me and welcomed me to Colorado.  The next day while going for the mail, I saw a lady I had met earlier.  I called her by name.  We greeted each other warmly.  Gradually, I am breaking out of the isolation I felt here at first.  Colorado is indeed a good place to be.
 

Meditation

 
In all the stress yesterday, I omitted my meditation practice.  Generally I have been doing well with it, however.  According to JV Life Tracker, I have done it fourteen days since September 3, 2018.  Today I listened to the The Settling Moment by Tom Foulstone, which is a short, restoring guided meditation that brings me back to the moment to start afresh.  Tom reminds me that starting afresh can happen in any moment.
 
I can start over on September 22, 2018.  JV Life Tracker offers the advantage of tracking activities between any two dates, so any day can be New Year’s Day.  Starting afresh can happen now.
 
Yesterday, I was determined to find the silver lining in my situation.  One advantage is that it gives me a fresh start.  Instead of getting bogged down editing my blog entries from the past two weeks, I can post from this point forward.   I can be caught up and current.   From now on, I will strive to post my entries even more promptly than I originally intended.
 
Brown Rice and Spice
 
This morning, I started cooking two cups of brown rice with six cups of filtered water and a bit of sea salt, cinnamon, and cardamom.  I brought a few spices with me from Utah.  Since then, I have added basil and mustard seed.  Having spice in my life makes me feel more at home, and my husband enjoys it.
 

Berkey Water

 
Even before I came to Colorado, I researched water filtration systems.  My soon-to-be-husband said, “Just get here.”  He wanted me to forget about a water filter.  At first, we used bottled, purified water from Costco.  However, I hated disposing of so many plastic bottles.  My husband said to just put them in the trash.  Weeks later, a maintenance man who worked on our residence told me that this complex has recycling.  The bottled purified water leeches chemicals from the plastic into the water.   Bottled water is not a healthy solution.  So, I finally convinced my husband to get a countertop Berkey water filtration system.
 
Just a few moments ago, my husband asked for water, not wine.  He said, “Will you get some Berkey water for me?”  He says he likes the taste of the water.  Earlier I read a review about the Berkey filter, where a woman said her husband never drank water, but now he was drinking water from this filter.  I am happily starting to experience the same thing.
 

Gratitude Practice

 
5-10 things i am grateful for:
 
1.     My husband started drinking water.
2.     Even though my computer broke yesterday, I have several possibilities for getting it fixed.  I have an appointment with a computer services technician.
3.     My husband lets me use his computer.
4.     People in Colorado are welcoming me here.
5.     I got my weight down to 118.0 pounds.
 
morning comments, feelings, ideas, moods, and empowering questions:
 
What can I write that would be of the most worth to you, my reader?
 
mood and energy
 
 
0-100
comments
mood:
75
I am excited about continuing my blog.
energy:
75
I am excited about continuing my blog.
 
accomplishments
 
 
accomplishment
reason it is important
 
next action(s)
date
1
I set up my husband’s computer, so I could write these entries.
Writing, health coaching
Keep using his computer until mine is fixed or replaced.
 
2
I got my weight down to 118.0 pounds.
Health, health coaching, happiness
Lose another eight pounds, gradually, the way permanent weight loss works.
 
3
I arranged for the repair of my husband’s eyeglasses, and I got them back to him.
Service, relationships
If he needs further work done on them, be willing to help.
 
4
I posted yesterday’s entry today, getting me current.
Writing, health coaching
Post each morning for the previous day.  Let that start your days off right!
 
5
I have meditated 14 days since September 3, 2018.
Health, happiness
Keep striving for an even more consistent practice.
 
 

Counseling

 
Thursday, I saw my counselor again.  She was pleased things were going with my blog.
 
Since my first manic episode in 1985, I have sought counseling on and off.  Recently I made it an even greater priority as I have moved into a socially isolated situation, knowing only my husband.  Much as I love my husband, caring for him has sometimes been stressful.  Counseling is a safe relationship.
 
Treatment for bipolar disorder is most effective when it includes both medication and counseling.  Counseling is helpful to people in other situations as well.
 
Sometimes the cost is too great.  I found affordable counseling through the county system.  It does not have the greatest Google ratings, but I knew that counseling would be effective if I brought my own motivation and resolve.  My plans are to continue with counseling.
 
Fortunately, I am starting to break out of the isolation.  On my wedding day, August 15, 2018, I received a text from a former buddy.  She had married and moved to Colorado years ago.  I returned a text and let her know I was getting married that very day.  She drove two and a half hours to be my only guest.  She took pictures; helped me with my gown, jewelry, and makeup; witnessed the marriage; and shared her excitement about the event.  It was awesome–synchronicity of the highest order.  I believe God orchestrated that.
 
Spirituality
 
My most important relationship is my relationship with God.  My understanding and conceptualization of God has evolved over the past ten years.  Just weeks ago, I was torn between two possibilities.  I could marry either of two intelligent men.
 
Both I had known for a long time.  Neither were perfect, but both loved me.  I got a massage that day and talked with my masseuse about my two possibilities.  She favored the younger man.
 
Something inside of me began clamoring for the other man, even though we had been estranged for a time.  I went with the voice within.
 
For weeks, I had a dialog within that spoke in rhyming verse.  It coached me on everything to do to prepare for my move to Colorado:  what to bring, how to pack it, what bags to pack it in, what wedding dress to buy, etc.
 
At the last minute, I feared I would not clear security in this retirement complex, and I was afraid to come.  I told my husband-to-be that I was not coming.  He said if I did not come that he would be “devastated”.  The next morning at six he called me and urged me to come.  I made a life-changing decision.  I called a taxi and was soon on the plane.
 
Friends and family wondered at me.  One even questioned my sanity.  Coming here has filled my life with purpose.  The absolute gratitude my husband has shown me has been immense.  Most importantly, I believe that God or my Higher Power is in favor of my being here.
 
My life alone was good, but it was lacking something.  I spent a lot of time on the telephone with boyfriends, but we had limited time together one-on-one.  Marriage brought entirely new dimensions to my life and thankfully has kept me from spending so much time on my cell phone.  (Cell phone use is not the healthiest thing.)  I still call home to Utah, but not every day.
 
Even though my relationship with my husband has opened new dimensions for me, I still search deep inside to find the voice of God.  I verify what I receive with the Bible.  I test messages to see if they are in accordance with what my experience teaches me.  I do not know all things, yet I am a humble, diligent seeker of wisdom and knowledge.  Every day it seems I have new insight.  I want to share my life, so others can benefit from the things I have learned or confirm what they already know.
 

Stress and Sleep

Last night I was so stressed I did not want to cook.  My husband let me off the hook and accepted some already prepared food.  I think stress can rob me of sleep.  I am still a bit tired due to staying up late last night to work on my blog.
 
Getting enough sleep is often a challenge for individuals with an affective disorder.  My medicine helps me sleep, but it is not always sufficient.  When I am depressed, I want to do little else but sleep, but when I am excited about a project, it can cause me to not sleep enough.  Balance is the key.
 
So, let me think of a sleep strategy for today.  I could increase one of my pills by a quarter of a pill.  My new psychiatrist said he prescribed my pills in such a way that I do not have to cut them in quarters.  I can order new pills.
 
Going to bed by 9:30 PM is still a good strategy.  If I cannot sleep though, then what?
 
Oh, I know, I can set my husband’s computer screen to switch to an orange background at 8:00 PM to reduce my exposure to blue light.  Blue light can interfere with sleep.  I had my own computer set that way, but I have not set his.  There, I did that.  I will mention more about how later.
 
What else can I do?  Those two things will make a huge difference.  Let me order some pills.  There.  I did that too.  I should get them in two or three days.
 
To protect my husband at night, I need to allow light in the bedroom, but that can disturb my sleep.  I could use sleep shades.  I bought some and tried them before and did not like them.  I will have my niece bring them from Utah and give them another chance.
 

Jeep and Cadillac

 
Monday we are getting a form notarized that will allow me to register my husband’s car in Colorado.  I filled it out just now.  I will also need to register the Cadillac in Colorado, but that will come later.  When it gets here, we will save a bundle on car insurance.  I need to be sure to notify my car insurance, to have the policy re-written.

 

Afternoon

 

Primary Care Physician

 
I spent over an hour helping my husband fill out his medical welcome packet.  I filled out mine yesterday, so I had some idea of the length and intensity of the forms.  Later in the afternoon, I gave my husband a sponge bath and laundered his sweats.  He thanked me for my efforts.
 
I suspect I have lupus.  It could be caused by my medications.  The crusty rash on my scalp, nausea, and “hot brain” are possible indications.  I understand that lupus is difficult to diagnose positively.  I hope my symptoms are not that, but if they are, I want to get to the bottom of what is bothering me.  My husband and I are working on our medical forms, so we can be seen by a primary care physician here in Colorado.
 

Healing

 
Now I have some free time to write the things of my soul.
 
Mike Dooley in Playing the Matrix said repeatedly, “Thoughts Become Things”.  Dawson Church wrote the same idea in Mind to Matter.  I read both books since coming to Colorado.  Church focused on the scientific basis for thoughts becoming things.  Dooley explained practical uses and emphasized that action is still needed to translate thoughts into things.  So what combination of thought and action is needed for me?
 
Now that I am in my sixth decade, how can I use Mind to Matter to improve my reality?  One singular thing that happened was a toothache I had before leaving Utah.  I prayed about it, and it stopped hurting.  After getting to Colorado, it started hurting again, so I thought I might need a filling.  I scheduled an appointment with a new dentist.
 
Before my visit, I began using sensitive teeth toothpaste and adding a drop of lavender, tea tree, Roman chamomile, and myrrh essential oils to a small amount of my toothpaste.  I went to the dentist.   After a giant set of x-rays, the dentist found nothing wrong with my teeth.  Moreover, the hygienist said my gums were healthy.  (Ten years ago, a periodontist said I needed gum surgery in several places in the lower gums, which I never got.)
 
In addition, the toothache has not bothered me since.  So, there was all that discomfort, and it totally disappeared.  Does that mean healing can come from alternative treatments?  Can prayer make a difference?  If I can dispatch a toothache, could I also dispatch lupus before I am even diagnosed?  It certainly seems possible.
 
I have prayed about this, but perhaps I need to visualize along with my prayer.  I can visualize the rash, the nausea, and the “hot brain” all gone.  That is thinking of what I do not want though.  Instead, what can I think of that I do want?   Total, 100% serenity.
 
The other day I remembered a healing modality I have had some training in called Reiki.  Reiki involves placing the hands on various parts of the body, including the back, chest, neck, and head, with the intention of healing.  The healer can be myself or some other person.  This can be done to soothing music with essential oils to increase the healing effect.
 
The body has an electromagnetic energy field, which responds to the electromagnetic energy fields of other people.  Some believe that with this energy field, healings can be enacted, much more quickly than affecting the body chemically through nutrition or medicine.
 
There is a giant energy field called The Divine Matrix.  According to Gregg Braden, the field can be communicated with through feelings.  The Divine Matrix surrounds everything and fills the entire Universe.  We come into more direct communication with the Divine Matrix through meditation.
 
If the Divine surrounds us and comes in direct contact with us, can we tap into its Infinite Intelligence?  If He/She/It created us, does it not know every nanogram of our anatomy?  Can it affect a change in our bodies based on our thoughts alone?
 
Another healing modality is water.  Water can cure many ills.  Since my medication gives me diabetes insipidus, I am always at risk for dehydration.  Drinking more water might help.
 
Obviously, I have been exposed to a lot of ideas, but how can I apply everything for the specific healing I need?
 
I applied Reiki touch to my head.  Since then the crustiness on my scalp feels smooth.  It still itches a bit though.  My husband said that could just be the dry Colorado air.  Nausea has persisted even today.  It is most pronounced just after eating, but I still do not know its cause.  I thought it was from eating high-fat food, but I get nauseous even when my meal is very low in fat too.  What about that “hot brain” feeling I felt again tonight?  Could it just be menopause?  I researched that a bit.  Menopause can cause hot flashes and night sweats, but the feeling of “hot brain”?
 

Evening Prayer

 
Let me record a prayer:
 
Dear Lord,
 
You are very near.  I feel your Presence.  I have health challenges that I believe can be healed through your Power.  I have read books about the healing power of the Divine.  Guide me to my next step.  What can I do about these new symptoms that trouble me?
 
If they are lupus, and I get help from a medical doctor, he or she will likely prescribe cortisone, which will suppress my immune system, leach minerals from my bones, and cause me to gain weight–misery.  There ought to be a way to send my immune system the message that all is safe and not to over-react.  Genetics are a factor, and I have lupus in my family.  However, Bruce Lipton says we are not doomed by our genes.  The environment tells genes how to express themselves.
 
I understand that stress and sunlight can be triggers.  It could be that the stress of moving here, leaving most of my belongings behind, getting married, and attending to my husband’s alcoholism and accidents has triggered my immune system.
 
How can I tell my immune system that I am safe, that all is okay, and that it does not have to over-react like this?  I believe that giving my body Reiki, meditation, a gluten-free diet, and plenty of water would be beneficial.
 
Will this work?  How shall I go about doing this?  Is there anything else I can do?  I will always continue in prayer.
 
Would it be effective to record a meditation for myself?  Some people have published meditations specifically for lupus.  They use frequencies that affect the body in certain ways.  I will look into that.
 
I hope and pray these symptoms mean nothing.  Bring me relief, Lord.  Bring me peace.
 
Amen.
 

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