Saturday, December 22nd, Day 109, Return
If you would like to join me in this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.
Decided to Return to Utah
Today, I am staying with a friend, Jacque. My husband asked me to leave the condo and get a motel room. I have been staying with Jacque since Wednesday evening. After much prayer, discussion, pro and con sheets, contemplation, and calling crisis support, I have decided to return to Utah, probably for good. I want to get my possessions from the condo and UPS them to Utah.
I cannot tell everything that has been going on in this book/blog, but in short my husband loves his wine more than he loves me. I have been trying to fix it so he can have both, but that is not working out for either of us. I started feeling depressed last night, but I took some additional l-tryptophan, and that helped quite a lot.
Jacque is an angel. She has let me stay at her place, eat her food, sleep on her couch, and use her shower. She even gave me an electric toothbrush. I cannot thank her enough for her support.
I need to line up movers, but doing it just before Christmas is kind of difficult. I learned that UPS is actually open on Christmas Eve,
I am profoundly concerned about what is going to happen to my husband without my support. However, I need to take care of myself first. Right now I have nothing, not even my passwords. I do have my coat, two cell phones and an external battery, the clothes on my back, a few other items in my purse, and my medication. I did manage to return to the condo for my medication. A security person from a motel suggested I get a police escort, so I did. The county police sent four officers. That seemed way overboard, but I was grateful I did not have to return to the condo alone. Earlier, I had asked my step-son to accompany me back to the condo, but he was not willing.
I hoped that my husband would say he wanted me back, missed me, or loved me, but I have not heard anything of that nature. I asked him what he wanted, and he said he wanted me to return his money and give him his privacy. So, for the sake of his privacy, I will not tell the whole story.
It is 7:12 AM. I have been up since about 5:00 AM, walking, praying, and eating. I revisited my decision to return to Utah, but re-decided the same thing. I will never feel secure again with my husband, if he might kick me out anytime, even in the middle of the winter just before Christmas.
I do not have access to a vehicle except my husband’s. He said the jeep was mine, but he did not put my name on the title. However, I do have power of attorney for his vehicle, so I should be okay. I am glad I had the jeep to get me to Jacque’s place. My husband has not driven since I came to Colorado, but he may need his vehicle soon, so I want to be sure to return it to him. I want to give Jacque one of my gold coins for everything she has done for me, but I am not sure how I can get back here to give it to her. I could send it to her, insured. I wish I had it in my possession right now. I am going to have movers help me pack my things to UPS. Maybe after they are done, I can return to Jacque’s. However, I will have to return to the condo afterwards to drop off the jeep. I should do that just before I leave for the airport and get Lyft to pick me up at the condo.
I would like Local Moving to handle my things again. Perhaps they can get them to UPS. I have not asked them yet for their help, but they may be available Wednesday. That means I will need to stay here through Christmas or get a motel. I do not think Jacque would want me to get a motel.
List of my Things
Jacque talked to me for a while then went for her shower. I can hear her talking in the other room. Now I should probably make a list of my things here in Colorado so I will be sure to get them all.
Return to My Colorado Home
I changed my mind and decided to return to my husband! Jacque’s daughter came to Jacque’s place on Saturday morning, and in a protective mood, asked me if I would leave sooner than I had planned. She did not recommend a return to my husband however. I weighed everything out again in my mind. The heaviest part of the equation was my fear of what would happen to my husband if I were to leave him. I was also concerned that if I went back to Utah, I would get depressed over the loss of my marriage. I phoned my husband to tell him I was coming home.
My husband welcomed me warmly. The condo was in need of my attention upon my return. I calmly went about fixing the problems. I did not have time to catch up my blog, but I ordered some food for our Christmas celebration. My step-son called and canceled his invitation for Christmas dinner. He says he wants no part in my husband’s life when he is drinking. I have decided to give my husband my support. We need each other.