Saturday, December 22nd, Day 109, Return

Saturday, December 22nd, Day 109, Return

 

Morning

 
If you would like to join me in this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.
 

Decided to Return to Utah

 
Today, I am staying with a friend, Jacque. My husband asked me to leave the condo and get a motel room. I have been staying with Jacque since Wednesday evening. After much prayer, discussion, pro and con sheets, contemplation, and calling crisis support, I have decided to return to Utah, probably for good. I want to get my possessions from the condo and UPS them to Utah.
 
I cannot tell everything that has been going on in this book/blog, but in short my husband loves his wine more than he loves me. I have been trying to fix it so he can have both, but that is not working out for either of us. I started feeling depressed last night, but I took some additional l-tryptophan, and that helped quite a lot.
 

Jacque

 
Jacque is an angel. She has let me stay at her place, eat her food, sleep on her couch, and use her shower. She even gave me an electric toothbrush. I cannot thank her enough for her support.
 

Movers

 
I need to line up movers, but doing it just before Christmas is kind of difficult. I learned that UPS is actually open on Christmas Eve,
 

My Medication

 
I am profoundly concerned about what is going to happen to my husband without my support. However, I need to take care of myself first. Right now I have nothing, not even my passwords. I do have my coat, two cell phones and an external battery, the clothes on my back, a few other items in my purse, and my medication. I did manage to return to the condo for my medication. A security person from a motel suggested I get a police escort, so I did. The county police sent four officers. That seemed way overboard, but I was grateful I did not have to return to the condo alone. Earlier, I had asked my step-son to accompany me back to the condo, but he was not willing.
 

My Husband

 
I hoped that my husband would say he wanted me back, missed me, or loved me, but I have not heard anything of that nature. I asked him what he wanted, and he said he wanted me to return his money and give him his privacy. So, for the sake of his privacy, I will not tell the whole story.
 
It is 7:12 AM. I have been up since about 5:00 AM, walking, praying, and eating. I revisited my decision to return to Utah, but re-decided the same thing. I will never feel secure again with my husband, if he might kick me out anytime, even in the middle of the winter just before Christmas.
 

Vehicle

 
I do not have access to a vehicle except my husband’s. He said the jeep was mine, but he did not put my name on the title. However, I do have power of attorney for his vehicle, so I should be okay. I am glad I had the jeep to get me to Jacque’s place. My husband has not driven since I came to Colorado, but he may need his vehicle soon, so I want to be sure to return it to him. I want to give Jacque one of my gold coins for everything she has done for me, but I am not sure how I can get back here to give it to her. I could send it to her, insured. I wish I had it in my possession right now. I am going to have movers help me pack my things to UPS. Maybe after they are done, I can return to Jacque’s. However, I will have to return to the condo afterwards to drop off the jeep. I should do that just before I leave for the airport and get Lyft to pick me up at the condo.
 

Movers

 
I would like Local Moving to handle my things again. Perhaps they can get them to UPS. I have not asked them yet for their help, but they may be available Wednesday. That means I will need to stay here through Christmas or get a motel. I do not think Jacque would want me to get a motel.
 

List of my Things

 
Jacque talked to me for a while then went for her shower. I can hear her talking in the other room. Now I should probably make a list of my things here in Colorado so I will be sure to get them all.
 
Wednesday Morning
 
Return to My Colorado Home
 
I changed my mind and decided to return to my husband! Jacque’s daughter came to Jacque’s place on Saturday morning, and in a protective mood, asked me if I would leave sooner than I had planned. She did not recommend a return to my husband however. I weighed everything out again in my mind. The heaviest part of the equation was my fear of what would happen to my husband if I were to leave him. I was also concerned that if I went back to Utah, I would get depressed over the loss of my marriage. I phoned my husband to tell him I was coming home.
 
My husband welcomed me warmly. The condo was in need of my attention upon my return. I calmly went about fixing the problems. I did not have time to catch up my blog, but I ordered some food for our Christmas celebration. My step-son called and canceled his invitation for Christmas dinner. He says he wants no part in my husband’s life when he is drinking. I have decided to give my husband my support. We need each other.
 
 

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