Monday, September 24th, Day Twenty, Stress
I called the 24-hour support line very early this morning. The crisis worker suggested I work on my projects and then try to get more sleep. I edited and posted my entry from yesterday and ate some brown rice and almond milk. I tried getting back to sleep but was unable to.
The stress of my life is starting to affect my sleep and potentially my mental health. Fortunately, I have tapped into medical resources here in Colorado and can get help. The support worker said I could even ask the police for a courtesy ride to their walk-in facility. I hope I do not need that, but it is reassuring to know the resource is there. I could possibly even take a taxi. (When I am severely manic, I do not drive.)
Let me see what I can do for myself. Having a manic episode is the worst thing that can happen when I am trying to lose weight because hospital food always puts weight on me. Usually though, when I am manic, I do not need to lose weight because then I lose very easily naturally. Let us hope that my recent weight loss did not trigger a bout of mania. The stress I have been under alone could do it.
The support worker said I could call her back this morning, if needed. She was so reassuring. I am grateful for this Colorado mental health system. My husband heard me call the support line and was concerned. He got back to sleep. I did not.
Besides my computer, getting my husband’s car registered in Colorado is troubling me. Saturday, I filled out the form that will authorize me to register my husband’s car. A mobile notary is coming over today. Then I will drive over to the DMV. My husband is afraid the process will require more than one try to complete, and he may be right since I have not done this before.
We do not have much time until the end of the month. The time pressure is getting to me. I get extremely exhausted from driving, so I am afraid of not having the energy to get all of the running around done. Let me pray about this concern so I can feel more at peace:
You know my weaknesses and fears. You know that I am suffering from insomnia due to stress. I am under time pressure to do a number of things. One is to get my husband’s jeep registered in Colorado and get Colorado license plates for it. I have some idea what to do, but I may be missing some of the steps and information. Will you guide me to what I am missing, so I can get this done right the first time?
Thank you, Lord, for showing me what I need on colorado.gov. I was missing some steps. Lord, since the jeep is titled in another state, I need to get a VIN# inspection. I am not sure where to go for that.
Thank you, Lord. You showed me a number where I can call for someone to come do it. What else do I need?
You are right. I do need sleep. What should I do for sleep? I have some sleeping pills I do not usually use. Should I try them? The crisis worker could not tell me what drugs to take because she was not authorized for that.
I took one of the pills. I may quit writing and go back to sleep. I am a bit nervous, however, that I will sleep through the notary public who is coming. Of course, that is still five hours away.
Lord, will you bless me with strength of mind?
I slept two and a half hours. I am still very tired but awake. I am up to 119.5 pounds now. I ate rice and milk this morning before weighing, so that could have affected my weight. I have more serious problems right now than a weight problem.
I need to print another form for my husband’s jeep. We still do not have a printer. There. I sent the link to OfficeMax and asked them to print three copies of the form. I said I would pick them up today.
Now, I need more sleep before I can drive. I could get a little more breakfast.
I did not sleep. My husband does not want any breakfast, at least not yet. Let me collect my thoughts. It is Monday, September 24 at 8:39 AM. I am south of Denver, Colorado in the United States. Donald Trump is president of the United States. I know my name. I know my husband’s name. I know my address and phone number. I am doing great. Let me smile.
I called the inspector. They do not make appointments. They come right out. I can get it done today. That is good news. The notary public came. Now I am waiting for the inspector. I feel more calm than I did earlier this morning. I have confident hope that this incident of insomnia will not escalate into a mental health crisis.
I am not sure how much time I will have to write before the inspector comes. I think I will tackle the kitchen right now.
The inspector is not here yet, but the kitchen is clean. A clean kitchen is good for my mental health.
Gratitude and Optimism
I could practice gratitude and optimism again. Gratitude is for what I already have. Optimism is confident hope in what I will have.
I have confident hope that I will get the jeep registered this week. We will not get the license plates by the end of the month, but perhaps we will get them in the mail before we need to drive again. If I have trouble getting the plates on, I will ask maintenance for help. My husband already said he was okay with that.
I am grateful that our notary public came this morning, so our form is ready.
I am grateful the inspector is on his way, so I will not have to drive to one more place. I have confident hope that he will be here soon.
I have confident hope that my GPS will work. I have a trip set up for the emissions testing place, the copy place, and the DMV. I gratefully discovered a cool function in Google Maps that allowed me to send my trip from my desktop computer to my mobile phone.
I am grateful I am learning more and more cool things about The Journal that help me write more interesting blogs.
Despite my confident hope, the inspector is not here yet. That is okay. This plan will still work if I pull it off tomorrow.
I waited and waited. I call the inspector again and learned they had come and could not contact me. They said they would come again. Then I checked my cell phone and found the ringer turned off.
I have a bad headache, but it is probably just dehydration and stress. I poured water in a cup I had in the kitchen. The cup was already full of water, and I did not see it. Water went everywhere.
The VIN number is verified! The uniformed volunteers were extremely nice. They were totally understanding about my cell phone ringer being turned off. It made my day. I will go to the emissions, copy center, and DMV tomorrow. I run the risk of running into closing time if I go today.
My headache is gone! The water I drank and getting that done totally relieved me.
I have not fully recovered from my night, but I am making progress.
I walked the medical forms down to the medical offices. They found a lot of forms that I still needed to fill out. I came home and filled them out. My husband just needs to add his signatures, and we are done.
My mood has eroded again. I just did not get enough sleep last night. I spoke loudly to my husband. I told him I needed some space. He is getting hard of hearing anyway and has me repeat a lot of things.
Wow! I ran around all day, getting my husband’s jeep registered, filling out medical forms for him, fixing and serving him this and that, spooning fruit flies out of his wine, helping him to and from the bathroom. I am so exhausted. If I was not so tired, I could handle it. However, I have just lost it. My patience is thin. I am no longer the most wonderful KaeLyn. I must feel like a new mother does, because my husband is definitely my baby.
So how do I recover from all that? My husband says, “Rest your brain.” I return, “Does that mean you do not want me to talk?” Many women must feel this way. I am still stressed out about my computer. Tonight I called an old beaux who is a computer expert. I had given him my old laptop. The sound card was long broken. He said he got Linux on it, and the sound card worked! I was amazed. I told him he could probably resurrect the dead too. However, he was not able to resurrect my computer. That would have been nice.
My husband wants me to talk to him, but apparently he does not want me to talk about our problems. I escaped back in here again. I thought writing would be better, except maybe you, my reader, are getting tired of my problems too. I am experiencing the “hot brain” symptom again.
We listened to Joel Osteen yesterday, and his speech was about putting God on the throne instead of our disease. I must admit I have given my disease far too much power. For now, I put God back on the throne.
Today has been a tough day. However, I accomplished getting two important documents signed and ready-to-go. I need to celebrate that accomplishment a little more and recognize the efforts my husband put into it as well. My husband does not think I should drive to the DMV tomorrow, that I should rest instead. My old beau agreed that may be a good idea. He said, “You are a lot more important than your car.”
I could list my concerns, Lord, but you already know them. If I am to follow the advice of my husband to “rest my brain,” what should I do? I did not get my meditation done today. I did not do my JV Life Tracker. It is a bit late for either thing. But what do you think? Would that center me again?
Okay, then I will start with a meditation session.
I meditated and did my JV Life Tracker, scoring for both yesterday and today. I ended the evening much more happily and went to bed early.