Friday, September 21st, Day Seventeen, Computer

Friday, September 21st, Day Seventeen, Computer

 

Morning

 
My computer died this morning.  The fate of my entries for Day Five to Day Sixteen is in question.  The good news is that I lost weight again last night.  I am now down to 118.0 pounds–an almost seven pound loss, out of the fifteen I plan to lose.
 
PC-Laptops in Utah supported my computer, and I am no longer there, so I cannot just drive it to the store.  I have remote support, but I do not think they can fix my computer when it will not even boot up.  It seems to have power, so the power supply is not broken.  Fortunately, I have everything backed up to the Web, I think.  I have not verified that for a while, so I have some uncertainty about that.  It might not be quite up-to-date.  I cannot access my backup yet however.
 
The Universe is on my side.  Everything happens for my good.  Even this disaster is somehow for my good.  I cannot see that yet, but I will believe.  I am using my husband’s computer for now.
 
My efforts until the end of the month will be directed at getting my husband’s jeep registered in Colorado.  Also, my niece is driving my Cadillac from Utah soon.  I plan to have everything ready for that.
 
My husband is drinking water now and no wine.  His recovery may take a while, but he has made the first step.  I fed him some breakfast.   He needs to see a doctor soon.
 
I just put all three of our phones on charge.  So far my day has been stressful, but I will make the most of it.  My husband thinks the best thing is to ship my computer to PC-Laptops.  That may work.  They could fix it and ship it back.  In the meantime, I can use his computer.  We got the computer shipped here via UPS from Utah.  I still have some of the packing material.
 

Breakfast

 
For breakfast I ate:
       129 g brown rice
       76 g almond milk
       27 g Orgain organic chocolate protein powder
       5 g coconut
       61 g fresh spinach
       3 g pharmaceutical grade fish oil
 
318 calories
 
I do not feel that full though I may want to stretch this breakfast until lunch time, so I do not use up my calorie budget too early in the day.  I have eaten 17.7 g protein and 31.2 g net carbs, which is Zone-balanced.  I generally do well when my meals are Zone-balanced.
 

Energy Cocktail

 
I also took an energy cocktail of supplements after breakfast.  I am currently taking:
 
1.        B-Right B Complex plus 25 mg (half a 50-mg pill) of P5P (activated vitamin B6)
2.        100 mg ubiquinol, the reduced form of co-enzyme Q10
3.        3 pills of joint complex of glucosamine chondroitin and MSM
4.        20 mg PQQ
5.        4 mg zeaxanthin, 40 mg lutein, and 4 mg astaxanthin for my eyes (I take this as three pills instead of one; it is cheaper.)
6.        1/2 silica complex (calcium, magnesium, zinc, boron, silicon)
 

Morning Prayer

 
Let me say a morning prayer:
 
Dear Lord,
 
Thank you for protecting me so far.  Thank you for your loving care.  Help me to use wisdom with my computer.
 
I am so grateful I have lost seven pounds so far.  It seems like it has taken me so long, but it has been less than two and a half weeks.
 
Thank you for my loving husband who has let me use his computer.  He is starting to look after his health.
 
Lord, you know the concerns of my heart.  I may have lupus, though my symptoms could be from my medications.  Please, heal me, Lord.  Help me to get a physician for my husband and myself soon.
 
Help me to accomplish what I must do for our vehicles here in Colorado.
 
Amen.
 

Walk

 
On my walk to the mailboxes, I picked up two welcome packets from the doctors’ office, dropped off my outgoing mail, and picked up the incoming mail.  The receptionist said I could get medical care as a spouse, if I live here, which I do.  That may be better than the place in Littleton, which is a drive away.  Driving takes a lot out of me.   If I can walk to the doctors’ office, that would be ideal.
 
I set up an appointment with computer services at this retirement complex.  They will not be here until next Thursday, but I think I can wait.
 
I drove to OfficeMax to get a form printed for registering my husband’s jeep.  That went smoothly.  The lady said I could take my dead computer in there for servicing.  So that is an another option.
 

Afternoon

 
My lecithin arrived.  Lecithin improves memory formation and retention.  It also works with my medication to prevent manic episodes.  I often sprinkle it on my breakfast.
 
Before I grieve over what has happened to my computer, let me contemplate.  This loss could put me on a more prosperous path than the one I would have followed had nothing happened.  Perhaps my attachment to my computer is too strong.  I cannot think of any major advantage in what has happened just yet, but I know one thing.  I feel okay.  Usually having a computer outage puts me in a state of alarm.  Today I feel calm.  Maybe it is because I have the use of my husband’s computer.
 
My husband is becoming more aware.  He is helping me more with business items.  He is not as calm as he was, but I rejoice that he is more aware and caring.
 
I spent much of the afternoon filling out the welcome package for the doctor’s office here.
 
I had a few snacks that severely depleted my calorie budget for dinner.  I need to wait now until eating, and then prepare a very light dinner.  Fortunately, Cronometer has alerted me of this situation early enough to correct it.
 

Evening

 
I am more stressed than I realized about the demise of my computer.  My husband says reassuringly, “It will get fixed.”
 
I think I will post this entry tomorrow.  When I do that, I will catch up, which will be an advantage.  Perhaps that is the first silver lining in my cloudy day.  Later, I may be able to retrieve my lost entries from my backup, but that will take some time to do.
 
A fresh start may be just the thing.  That would be my number two advantage.
 
It is 5:11 PM.  What could I write about, that would be an inspiration to myself and you?
 

Primary Food

 
My goal when I started these entries was to chronicle my weight loss of 15 pounds while keeping my mood and energy up.  While writing each day, I have discovered that I want to share my life.  Joshua Rosenthal, founder of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, taught us that nutrition is secondary.  He emphasized “primary food” or physical activity, relationships, career, and spirituality.   My www.joyfulvibrance.com blog features each of these subject areas in its menu of categories.
 

Physical Activity

 
There.  I did the plank for 1:14 minutes.  I want to work that up to two minutes.  I also did a circular walk around the residence.
 
I did my JV Life Tracker today.  I got over 1,000 points for my activities yesterday.
 

Relationships

 
My marital relationship means the most to me right now.  My husband requires a lot of care.  He has not been able to walk without assistance and sometimes cannot even eat by himself.  Now that he has stopped drinking, he is more aware.  He is still very shaky and off-balance.
 
Because of his careful saving through the years, he is providing us a comfortable living arrangement in a nice retirement community.  I really like it here.  We have planned to move to Grand Junction, Colorado, but with his medical condition, I have not wanted to drive him there.  Driving makes me extremely tired.  I likely have an allergy to gasoline.  With the exertion of caring for my husband, as well as driving, it could be too exhausting for me to make the trip.
 
With a pull-cord in the bedroom or bathroom, in about four minutes, we have medical help from the security team at our retirement complex.  I pulled this on the first of this month when my husband fell and gashed his head, requiring stitches.
 
We have access to a doctor on campus.  We do not even have to go outside to get there; it is accessible by wheelchair.  We have maid service and special projects maintenance.  There are many other benefits, not the least of which is an indoor pool, where I want to swim.
 
I hope to see a full recovery, including my husband’s ability to eat, walk, and drive by himself.  I am hopeful, but I am not betting on any specific outcome.  This would be the perfect place for us to get all of our needs met.  We shall see what the future brings.  In the meantime, I intend to lose eight more pounds and act as a health coach in all I do.  Will you come along with me on that journey?
 

Vision Statement

 
In 2010, I read Healing From Depression by Douglas Bloch.  One key to his recovery was his personal vision statement.   I wrote my own vision statement, which has evolved over the years.  Now that I am married, it begs another revision.  Who do I want to be now?  When I pray about what I should do with my life, the answer is always to write.  I may have lost the 3,000 or so words a day I produced the last few days, but I did not lose the practice writing.
 
Joel Osteen gave a sermon called The Power Of I Am. A vision statement can be made from a list of “I am” statements.
 
1.        I am beautiful.
2.        I am joyful.
3.        I am vibrant.
4.        I am careful.
5.        I am intelligent.
6.        I am smart.
7.        I am dependable.
8.        I am reliable.
9.        I am trustworthy.
10.        I am organized.
11.        I am creative.
12.        I am consistent.
13.        I am peaceful.
14.        I am full of ideas.
15.        I am a finisher.
16.        I am an initiator.
17.        I am slender.
18.        I am accomplished.
19.        I am an achiever.
20.        I am a writer.
21.        I am a software engineer.
22.        I am a musician.
23.        I am a good wife.
24.        I am a steel trap.   (That is what my husband says about my ability to remember things.)
25.        I am married.
26.        I am a survivor.
27.        I am generous.
28.        I am a health coach.
29.        I am a teacher.
30.        I am a speaker.
31.        I am an inspiration.
32.        I am a motivator.
33.        I am gentle.
34.        I am compassionate.
35.        I am patient.
36.        I am passionate.
37.        I am cheerful.
38.        I am warm.
39.        I am loving.
40.        I am curious.
41.        I am always learning.
42.        I am educated.
43.        I am self-educated.
44.        I am a beautiful cook.  (That is what my husband says.)
45.        I am a gorgeous cook.  (That is another thing he says.)
46.        I am ready.
47.        I am prepared.
48.        I am prompt.
49.        I am alert.
50.        I am relaxed.
 
This is what I am, want to be, or have been.  This makes a good vision statement.  I could elaborate on activities to transform me into these things, but let me be serendipitous and allow opportunities into my life that will build these attributes.
 
Tonight I asked my husband how I am doing as a wife.  He said I was a ten plus out of ten.  He also said I am the wife he has been looking for all his life.  I am glad he is satisfied so far.  I go to my limits sometimes serving him.  He is aware of that.  He gives me some space.  He has allowed me time to write.  He interrupts me, but I can write for long stretches at a time.
 

Career

 
In 1998, I left my career as a software engineer when my medical conditions became so severe I could no longer work.  I have attempted to re-define myself ever since.  I read a book called Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, which I blogged about here.  Bill and Dave describe a series of tools for finding a career for yourself.  One tool is a log of activities with a rating on how much they energize or engage you.  In this blog, I show part of my own log.  This book helped me determine that blogging was my next step.  Shortly afterwards, I started my blog at http://www.joyfulvibrance.com
 
Obstacles present themselves in any undertaking.  I read The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday for inspiration on how to surmount obstacles in my life.  My most serious obstacle is my medical condition.   Even when I am not having an “episode,” I still have frequent symptoms.  My self-confidence rides up and down with my moods.  When I am up, I am over-confident, and have lots of energy and an hyper-elevated mood.  I undertake more projects than I can ever complete.  When I am down, my self-confidence sinks to near zero.  My projects all grind to a halt.  How can I level my self-confidence so that I am productive, do not undertake too much, stick with my projects, get them finished, and have a reasonably good mood?  I am still working on that.
 
It is now 9:30 PM, so I must take my medication and go to bed.  Tomorrow I will post this entry.  Writing this book, this blog, is one of the most enjoyable things I have ever done.  I can express myself fully and perhaps be of help to you.
 

Spirituality

 
Before I retire, let me record a prayer:
 
Dear Lord,
 
I feel at peace, even though today has been stressful.  I feel I have found myself in writing and sharing my experiences, goals, knowledge, and vision.  Help me to write only those words that will be of worth.  Help me to get fully rested tonight and ready to surmount the challenges of another day.  Bless the computer support technician who is coming here that he or she will fully restore my computer and the data contained therein.  I love my life, even with my medical challenges.   My husband and I are bonding beautifully.  He is happy with me.  That approval is a prize worth striving for.
 
Lord, tell me now, will I be able to fulfill your purpose for me if I continue this writing?  My heart and muscle testing indicate the answer is yes.  Some of my readers may do muscle testing themselves.  For now, I will rely on that answer.  Teach me how to be open to your inspiration.   You have helped me through so many challenges.  You have never cured me medically, but you have helped me find ways to cope.  I have become wiser, not to mention happier.
 
Like Solomon of old, I seek wisdom.  Solomon taught that wisdom is the key to happiness, long life, and even riches.
 
Give me strength and courage for another day.
 
Amen.
 
 

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