“I will not leave you all alone. I will come back to you” (John 14:18, GWT).
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”
― Elbert Hubbard
― Elbert Hubbard
Welcome to my blog. My desire is to write things that will most benefit my readers. Sometimes, I ramble about my life, which hopefully is either a sterling example of what to do or perhaps even a stern reminder of what NOT to do.
I walked to the park and library within the last two hours. It was beautiful outside. I crossed paths with a neighbor who lives across the hall from me and exchanged pleasantries. Two days ago, she let me know she wanted to be a friend.
Emails to Hawaii
By the time I returned, I had lost my energy, probably from the heat. I conked out on the bed for a few minutes. Then I spent some time reviewing a series of letters I wrote to a friend in 2017. That year, I learned a lot, accomplished much, and grew in many ways. I was sure that I would never get married again, but the next year, 2018, I did, though not to my coach.
We conversed the night before last between Colorado and Hawaii. In deference to my marriage, I have limited my contact with him. However, no one in the world is more adept at getting me to do empowering things. I think I need that influence again. How can I do that without causing friction in my marital relationship? This is one way to look at it. If I do confidence-building activities, my bolstered self-confidence may strengthen my union. I need to pay attention to my duties at home, of course. However, I believe I do that anyway.
What He Did For Me
My husband asked me to fix him an omelet for lunch. I made one with tomatoes, spinach, baby Portabello mushrooms, and green onions. Now, I am feeling drowsy again.
Life on Kauai, Hawaii During the Pandemic
I am presenting a case for inviting my friend back into my life. He says he does not have the social network in Hawaii that he had in Utah. During the pandemic, he has been watching a lot of television. Uncharacteristic of him, he seems isolated, even to the point of loneliness. He now calls himself a hermit. The day I talked to him, he had purchased a motorcycle, which he was very excited about. The new vehicle allows him to video places on the island of Kauai that he could not access with his car. Perhaps doing that will infuse him with new life.
Instead of writing him emails on a schedule (in the past, it was daily), I think I will write to him whenever I feel like it. He said I could phone him whenever, which will enable him to coach me again. I can help him with his video projects.
I have been reading Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World by Dr. Vivek Murthy, former surgeon general of the United States. This book was published in March 2020, at the same time the COVID-19 pandemic was getting underway. He could already see the threat the virus represented to the togetherness of society. However, he also saw technology’s promise in bringing people closer if done right.
Could I be missing an opportunity? Hawaii is far away: three or four time zones to the west. However, while talking with me on the phone, my friend’s voice was there in real-time. We can even video chat and exchange information over the Internet.
If I need motivation, he can provide it. That he has done for years. His voice can lift me out of a depression in a single evening. I have not figured out all of his magic, but it is probably his positive philosophy of life. He believes he can do anything. Of course, the power of his caring is a prominent ingredient in the solution.
Unlike conversationalists who tell me what they think I want to hear, he does not care what I think of him. He says things that he believes will empower me. When I first knew him, I was a bit off-put by his desire to make me his project, but over time, I could see that he only had the best in mind. Therapists would like to motivate but do not. They are trained to maintain you and rarely get you to launch.
Let me think over this decision some more before I reach out again. My husband thinks I already spend too much time on the phone. However, I have no desire to be a hermit. After getting an upgraded Android, I am ready to take my communication skills to the next level–vocal and writing. If I learn more about photography and video, too, that will be all the better.
Life At Home in Colorado
Minutes ago, I scratched my husband’s back again. I may do it again before the evening is over. And possibly again and again. We will see. Nothing seems to bring him relief from itching except my scratching, and that only works temporarily.
I still have not gotten him to take a shower or bath, for months. I wish I could be more persuasive, but I do not want to disturb our peace. Maybe my friend in Hawaii can help me devise better tactics. Mom gave me suggestions, but my husband is not like my father. When she could no longer take care of my father, she put him in a rest home.
I am not ready to put my husband in a rest home. Recent events have tried my resolve to keep him home, however. I pray for the best. Things will probably worsen, but I pray for a space of time to enjoy my husband here.
Most of the time, I am more concerned about my medical needs. For the past few days, I have been in transition to a different medication. I am unsure whether it will keep me out of depression the way Imipramine did. Having a way out of depression is crucial. Talking to my friend in Hawaii is a possible get-out-depression card. A single phone conversation with him has worked in the past. Why not now? When he refocuses me on a cherished project and gets me progressing again, depression will diminish for a while.
The Power of Understanding
The question is: what can I not do that for myself? Fortunately, I am getting better at doing that. However, a catalyst makes the reaction go much faster with lower activation energy. I can climb the hill much more readily with a force pushing me along.
Why is my friend so much better than therapists? Besides not charging for my coaching, he has read more than one million words of my emails. He understands me. Therapists are going by what they learned in textbooks about the average person. I am not the average person. My husband does not follow me that well, even though we have been on the phone for hundreds of hours. If I were to hire a life coach, he or she probably would not be able to accomplish the same thing.
How He Got To Hawaii
You can probably see that my relationship with this non-professional coach is unique and valuable. He worked as a teacher for a personal development company. He is working as a freelance handyman, but he believes that he will not want to do that type of work when he gets older. He is hoping another video project will fund his retirement.
I invested in his video camera when he went solo with his own video production company. That helped him earn money without having to rent his most-used piece of equipment. Not long later, he opened a video studio in Salt Lake City where he worked and lived. He beautified the studio with his unique flair.
Having a desire to re-locate to Hawaii, he minimized his possessions into several suitcases and shipped his car to the islands in 2017. However, Hawaii’s isolation kept him from maximizing his video work.
He has not expressed regret about his move to Kauai. However, he is frustrated with the pandemic conditions there now. I think we are all ready to have the pandemic gone. He told me a while ago that all visitors to Hawaii are required to quarantine for fourteen days. I am sure that put a damper on tourism.
There is much we can still do with the Internet at our disposal. My blogging avocation has not changed much at all. The pandemic just gave me something to write about. I felt so profoundly tired earlier this evening, I wondered if I had contracted COVID-19. However, I was able to resume writing this, and my energy increased again. I want to share my excitement about this new possibility. Maybe tomorrow, I can call him or craft another email. I will have to ask him if it is okay to use his first name in this blog.
Thank you, readers, for listening in as I mull over this decision. Long-distance friendships usually do not go too well. However, while conducting business with each other, my friend and I have already established trust.
If you would like to join me on this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One. If you wish to download a FREE copy of my ebook (with no need to enter your name or email), click on the book below.