Day 45, Attaining the Goal

“By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands — your own.”
 

Morning

 

Sleep

 
Last night I got ample sleep.  I woke up about 3:30 AM but got back to sleep and slept past 7:00 AM.  My husband asked me to stay up with him when I announced I would go to bed a bit past 10:00 PM.  I said, “We had a discussion about this last night, and apparently, I did not get anywhere.”  He said, “Go to bed.”  And I did.  I shut the bedroom door to shut out the light from the living room and the television’s sound.  (My husband often watches on silent, but last night, he had the sound on.)  I went right to sleep.
 
I may have to do that again.  However, I am prepared.  My husband is finally starting to get it.  I serve him diligently all day, but I cannot do the night shift, too.
 

Weight

 
To start the day, I weighed myself at 51.7 kg.  That is less than 52 kg, my new goal, so it is okay.  My weight will fluctuate up and down a bit, which is expected.  Even the fluctuation throughout a day is substantial.  
 
If you want to know my weight in pounds, multiply by 2.205.  It is almost exactly 114 pounds. Cronometer says my BMI (body mass index) is 18.3.  
 
My shift in focus now is from losing more weight to making my body more capable.  I also want to reduce the massive hunger that I have experienced while dieting.  With the medications I take, I do not think I can eliminate it completely.  I will probably need to still fast intermittently.  I am prepared to do so.
 

Walk

 
My chiropractic appointment is today.  I am glad it was not Monday when it was snowy and bitterly cold.  There is still snow on the ground.  However, the walkways have been cleared so I can walk the 0.7-mile distance.
 

Beets

 
I tried some Wildbrine® beet and cabbage sauerkraut this morning.  Even though I have historically not been keen on beets, I liked it.  It may even serve as a TMG (betaine) source, so I do not need to buy that supplement.  TMG elevates my mood.
 

New Woman

 
Here I am today.  My face is more slender than weeks ago.  I have not lost my ample bust size.  I can still fit in my clothes, though I want some new ones.  My fingernails got polished yesterday.  My eyes are still hazel.  Since a week and a half ago, I am 59 years of age.  I am a new woman, ready to take on the challenges of life!
 
 
Contrast this with a photo never revealed before from Day One.
 

 

Chiropractor

 
I walked to the chiropractor this morning.  The snow was melting, and there were slushy patches on the sidewalk.  I avoided the stairs, in case they had ice on them.  I stopped at the library on the way home and checked out the book I saw earlier about making your brain smarter.  Below, I think, is a Colorado blue-green spruce–a beautiful conifer tree.
 
 

Afternoon

 
I ate a green drink and hummus with gluten-free crackers for lunch.  I finally feel full after eating and feeling hungry afterward for weeks.
 
After visiting with my neighbors for a couple of hours, I finished my meals for today.  I ate all the calories in my budget.   This could result in a weight gain, but I am hoping not.   I had more than the usual amount of sugar and fructose with half an apple.  Here is my weight change graph for the last twelve months.
 
 
The 52-kg line is and has been my goal weight in Cronometer.  It is now my actual goal weight.  I could take some lysine tablets, and sodium was a little high.  Since I am on lithium, the sodium intake is okay.  I can even take as much as three grams daily.  If I do not get enough, I get nauseated.  The beet sauerkraut has a lot of sodium.  However, the beets, cabbage, and probiotics are beneficial enough to make it worth it.
 

Diet Diary

 
 
 
I have 17.5 hours until breakfast.  However, for once, I am feeling full.
 

Evening

 
My full feeling passed as the evening hours began.  I considered eating, then realized I could have another binge.  I decided to persist through the evening without eating.  It is 8:08 PM, so I have made it this far.
 

Brain Fitness

 
I have been thinking about the brain, reading a library book Make Your Brain Smarter by Sandra Bond Chapman, Ph.D.
 
Sandra believes the need for brain fitness is urgent.  She focuses on the prefrontal cortex’s functions, about which I have blogged.  My bipolar disorder impairs the PFC (prefrontal cortex).   Medication can restore its function.  Whether it can entirely, I do not know.  Knowing as much as I do has encouraged me to be faithful to my medication from now on.
 
Brain fitness means getting enough sleep, minimizing interruptions, shortening your to-do list, and getting out of dull, repetitive jobs.  Even having mountains of email can impair your mental capacity.  It is not the amount but the kind of thinking you do.  Creativity, complex problem solving, and innovation can improve your cognition.  Being able to memorize thousands of facts is not necessarily a sign of a healthy brain.  What you do with those facts is what builds brainpower.
 

Neuroplasticity

 
One of the first things she mentioned was neuroplasticity.  It is the ability we have through life to form new neurons and connections in response to using different parts of our body, including our brain.  When she began her training, experts believed that intelligence was fixed.  Over the past few years, science has proven that notion false.  However, some people still believe in the old way of thinking, and it limits their growth.
 
Would neuroplasticity make it possible for me to form new eating behaviors such as slowing down?  There is still a strong drive in me to eat as quickly as possible.  When I was a teenager, our family of fourteen sat at a long table.  Benches on each side seated five people each.  Each table end accommodated two people.  Dinner disappeared fast.  I would quickly take my portion and gobble it down to escape to my room in the basement for more peace and quiet.  Eating fast meant getting out of the din of the dinner table.  I must admit that I was not very social.
 

Behavior Modification

 
Could I change that behavior now?  That was a long time ago.  My husband used to coach me whenever we went out to eat slower.  Over time, I think I did slow down.  He was always a bit slower than I was, however.  Members of my church taught me that I should eat slowly after fasting.  Whether I do that now, I am not sure.  My green drink this morning disappeared rather quickly.  I put the mostly empty hopper back on the Vitamix with some water to clean out the remains.  That extended my eating time a bit as I consumed that.    
 
Today, I consumed almost all the calories in my budget before 3:00 PM.  I could fast from that point.  However, did I need to do it that way?  Why do I have trouble holding my appetite?  Will I always need to go without supper?  I am getting used to doing so.  However, my husband has no one to eat with him when I serve him for dinner.
 

Weight Loss Goals

 
It is now past 9:00 PM.  It is my first full day at my goal weight.  I admit that I changed my goal.  That is okay to do, by the way.  When I dieted at Weight Loss Clinic in 1989, my goal was to weigh 125 pounds.  This time, I started at less than that.  I have reached my goal weight quite a few times, but it has not always been the same goal.  The most crucial thing to know is the direction, whether you want to lose, gain, or stay the same.  The magnitude of the change cannot always be predicted in advance.
 
Once you reach your goal, you may feel empowered to lose more.  Or you may even decide to gain.  Your goal may be to gain the weight back as muscle to replace the fat you lost.
 
However, that is hard to do.  It is best to gain lean tissue as you are reducing, not afterward.  You may decide to stop short of the goal and make that the new destination like I did.
 

Friendship

 
I want to think more about my friend in Hawaii.  I was talking myself out of the friendship until I called him the other night.  Years ago, I literally wrote more than one million words to him, and he read everything!  He understands me like nobody else on the planet.  I did not even write to my husband that much.  He has different values than I do; he is not a Christian and does not believe in a loving God.  He has tried to reverse my decision to become a Christian.
 
I wondered if I should keep my distance.  My belief in a loving God is essential to me, even though my God has not healed my bipolar.  I have felt the love of God on numerous occasions.  Even when I did not believe in God for a time, I would feel love whenever I knelt to pray.  Finally, I could not keep myself from praying.  Now I do it often.  I even include prayers in my blog.
 
I am not hanging on in hopes of re-converting my friend to Christianity.  I am searching for a friend who understands me and whose thinking breaks me out of the ruts I get myself into sometimes.  In the past, I know I have uplifted him.  He even attributed some of his success to me.  It makes me feel good to know my influence has been positive.  Even if we differ on religion now.
 

Prayer

 
 
EVENING PRAYER
 
Lord,
 
Thank you for helping me reach my goal weight, even if I had to change the goal.  I still have work to do before my eating habits maintain my new physique.
 
Lord, please forgive Michael for his hard heart toward you.  He had an underprivileged upbringing and perhaps had less experience with God than I did.  I love Michael.  He has encouraged me to become who I am.  He would have loved a few changes, but I am glad I kept my identity.
 
I feel happy that I decided to marry my husband.  Michael did not think it would work out, but it has.  I even made progress last night at getting to bed when I wanted to go.  Bedtime is approaching again, and hopefully, things will work out as well as they did last night.
 
I have been gone much of today, which left my husband alone for hours at a time.  I tried talking to him while he ate dinner.  However, he turned up the television.  I asked, “Do you want to talk to me?”  He turned the set back down.  We did not talk much.  He ended turning up the T.V. again, and I put away his leftovers and came in here to write some more.  
 
If I want to talk to my husband over dinner, I will need to make it a habit rather than hit and miss.  He eats a lot later than I think is healthy.  It will involve complex problem solving to figure out what to do about our social situation.  My bad habits started when I was a teenager.  Help me to figure it out, Lord.
 
Amen.
 
If you would like to join me on this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.  If you wish to download a FREE copy of my ebook (with no need to enter your name or email), click on the book below.  Please continue this journey with me by clicking on the arrows at the right of the page.
 
 
 
 
 
 
This article, with its diet diary, shows what worked for me.  I do not claim that it will work for you.  Consult a licensed medical provider to determine your diet and medical care.  These blog entries do not diagnose or treat any disease.  If I provide any clues for you or your provider, I will be happy.
 
 

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