Day 43, Monday, Monday

“Hey, I know it’s Monday.  But it’s also a new day and a new week.  And in that lies a new opportunity for something special to happen.”
 
 
It is Monday morning.  Mondays have the reputation of being gloomy.  However, it is within me to have joy and cheer.  Yesterday, I re-read Tony Robbin’s Six Steps to Emotional Mastery in Awaken the Giant Within.  I did them when I transitioned out of my last depression last month.
 
Minutes ago, one of my two computer monitors died.  I ordered another one from Dell.  I will have to make do with one monitor until the new one arrives.
 
It is 5:30 AM.  I only slept until 3:30 AM this morning for the second consecutive day.  My husband asked me to sleep on the living room floor with him last night, so I did.
 

Back to My Blog

 
Exhausted, I went back to bed for several hours.  Now it is 10:09 AM, and my eating is following a pattern of its own.   Maybe I can fast from now until 1:30 PM or so and then make a green drink.  [That did not happen, however.]
 
It is snowy outside.  That has been good news for the wildfires.   The plans I set up yesterday for today seem overwhelming.  I decided to catch up with the snail mail today.  I have a whole box of it.
 

Another Binge

 
I got upset about how much my Medicare Part D penalty will cost me, and I had an eating binge.  I tracked most of it, then lost track altogether.  It will set me back.
 
I was so upset I called the crisis line.  My counselor said to “get back on your horse.”  Figuratively, that explains what I should do.  I decided to admit that I had another binge and then do what I can to recover.
 
Now I feel okay.  I still want to eat, however.
 
Life has a way of teaching you things you did not want to know.  I thought I was a “delay gratification” sort of person, but that is not entirely true.  When I want something, I want it now.  I do not think I would have passed the Stanford Marshmallow Test at four years old.
 
What can I do now to make do with the less than ideal decisions I made when younger?  First, let me acknowledge myself for some things I did right.  I got a college education, I did not drink, smoke, or use.  I did my homework, usually on time.  I took all the requisite tests.
 
Years ago, I was warned that if I did not get back on Part D, I would later have to pay the penalty to do so.  I never imagined how painful it would be.
 
However, it could be a more tremendous pain to need medication insurance down the road when I do not have it.
 

 
Today is Day 43 of our journey.  My birthday flowers are still on the table.  Sadly, the irises are gone, but the sunflower and everything else is still there.  Minutes ago, I cut the stems on the diagonal to give the blooms a little more water and life.    
 
Flowers are here today, gone tomorrow.   They do not pass the Marshmallow Test.
 
I feel a bit glum tonight.  I planned to lose another pound this week.  However, I will need to do Plan B.  I have not decided what that is yet.
 
When I had  FMTV months ago, I watched a video about Dr. John Demartini who spoke of his Demartini method.  He believed that depression was when reality does not match your mind’s fantasy of what you think life should be.  The mismatch leads to despondency.  The cure is to find something wrong with the illusion and something right about the actuality that will lead you to accept it.
 
Tonight, I did not want to accept the Medicare penalty.  That was a bit of reality that did not seem fair.  I was mad at myself for not doing something about it sooner.  I did not know until today that the penalty is permanent.  It gets tacked onto your premium as long as you have Part D.  I thought there must be some forgiveness somewhere.  Perhaps the penalty was only for a year.  Not so.
 
You can beg the authorities for mercy.  I may do that.  However, the best approach is probably to accept reality for what it is.  The system encourages all eligible Medicare holders to pay a premium, not just those who need expensive medications.  Without penalties, more people like myself would probably opt out of Part D to save money when their prescription prices are low.
 
Obviously, I have been shortsighted.
 

Next Morning

 

Diet Diary

 
I lost track of what I ate last night, but I pieced it together as much as possible this morning.
 
First, this is what happened to my weight.
 
 
The food log shows my excesses.  Fortunately, I did not eat any sugar or bread.  However, my net carbs and net calories were more than 100%.  Do not try this at home!  This is an example of what not to do.  However, if you do binge, try to stick to healthy foods.
 
 

Prayer

 
 
 
MORNING PRAYER
 
Lord,
 
Let me slow down and see how it goes.  If I do not lose these last two kilograms, the sky will not fall down.  However, I do not want my readers to think I am abandoning them.  Please let me maintain my losses and show how it is done.
 
I need to forgive myself once more and marvel at life’s durability.  If I could deny myself food whenever I want, I would surely waste away.  However, there are checks and balances in the system.  Regrettably, some people do starve themselves to death.  Fortunately, my body has a strong guard against that.  Perhaps I should respect it rather than fighting against it.
 
It makes me feel better about yesterday to realize that nothing was wrong.  Let me see what my husband says.
 
He perked up when I mentioned Cronometer’s limit.  Within the past twelve months, I have reached 51.45 kg three times and have not gone lower.
 
However, I do not want to go back up, so let me do the same intermittent fasting with more calories.  I checked out the library book, Eat to Beat Illness: 80 Simple, Delicious Recipes Inspired by the Science of Food as Medicine by Dr. Rupy Aujla.  I could try some new recipes and add variety to my diet.
 
Lord, if you are okay with this turn of events, I am, too.  I am still struggling with my Medicare Part D decision.  My husband said it would be okay for me to self-insure my medications.  That may be wise since many of them are natural and not covered by insurance anyway.  If I had Part D, I would not save money on my current prescriptions.  One of them is not even in the formulary.  How would I feel if I needed to take an expensive medicine?  And my plan says, “We do not cover that one.”
 
I still have a few days to weigh this all-important decision.
 
Amen.  
 
If you would like to join me on this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.  If you wish to download a FREE copy of my ebook (with no need to enter your name or email), click on the book below.  Please continue this journey with me by clicking on the arrows at the right of the page.
 
 
 
 
 
 
This article, with its diet diary, shows what worked for me.  I do not claim that it will work for you.  Consult a licensed medical provider to determine your diet and medical care.  These blog entries do not diagnose or treat any disease.  If I provide any clues for you or your provider, I will be happy.
 
 

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