Day 264, Steadfast Contentment

Day 264, Steadfast Contentment

 
Don’t torture yourself trying to make someone see something they cannot see, or believe something they do not believe.  Just stay true to your vision for yourself, and for who you want to be in this life.
 
~Bryant McGill
 

Friday Afternoon

 

Preparing For My Day

 
5-10 things i am grateful for:
  • our mobile cosmetologist, who cut our hair today.
  • even though I have bipolar disorder, I can find contentment.
  • hotlines
 
morning comments, feelings, ideas, moods, and empowering questions:
I am happy with the way that I am!
 
mood and energy:
 
0-100
comments
mood:
40
down a bit, kind of with mixed moods.
energy:
50
had a hard time getting going this morning.
 
accomplishments:
 
accomplishment
reason it is important
next action(s)
1
Mental Health
Remember to not believe every thing you think.
2
made a green drink 13 of 24 days so far in May and made and drank a green drink again this afternoon.  It was so satiating, I did not need an afternoon snack.  I had more calories in my budget for dinner.
Physical Health and Enjoyment
Continue to do a green drink at least every other day.
3
meditated with Insight Timer 5 x consecutively.
Mental Health
Continue to meditate daily.
4
learned who Bryant McGill is.
Motivation
Quotes
5
found BP Magazine for Bipolar on FaceBook.
Mental Health & Motivation
Quotes
 

Saturday Evening

 
I got the trash out and mail in this evening and walked with my husband in the hallway.  I had a long nap this afternoon.  Yesterday, our neighbor’s cosmetologist came over and gave me and my husband haircuts.
 
This afternoon I watched an FMTV video Vision – Seeing is Believing about Jim Hansel, a popular American artist who is legally blind.  The video showed the various uses Jim made of technology that make his art possible.
 

Sunday Evening

 

Motivation

 
I enjoyed Natasha Tracy’s book.  However, I was concerned that she was not happy and that she had to force herself to do everything.  My ebook, Joyful Vibrance:  Transform Your Body Image, Energy, and Mood! has kinder ways of getting yourself motivated.  The JV Life Tracker app can not only motivate you, it can launch you completely out of a depressive episode.  It motivates you to act, and action can break a depression.  In a deep depression, a little encouragement to get re-started on the app may be needed.  I got this encouragement once from a mentor and another time from a vocational rehabilitation counselor.  Educating your support group about how your tools will help you is important, so they can remind you when you need a lift.
 

Environment

 
Today, Joel Osteen talked about the importance of having a supportive environment.  We especially need to be around encouraging people.  Before I got married, I lived with a close relative who said, “You will never be able to work again.”  That was discouraging, and I believed it.  I am glad I am out of that environment, even though that saying still has an effect on me.  Right now, I do not have to work a job, but if I ever do, I want to be able to rise to the occasion.  It has to start with eliminating my limiting beliefs.
 
Insight Timer
 
I have been using Insight Timer again, without subscribing to it.  Lately, it has not been interrupting my meditations with a request to subscribe.  Maybe they changed the app to not do that or perhaps it did that only for a while.
 

Inner Voice

 
Most of the time, my inner voice is very helpful and encouraging, though it can get too chatty at times and overwhelm me.  After reading Recovering Sanity by Dr. Edward Podvoll, I am almost certain it has led me into mania many times.  The most important thing for me to realize is that this inner voice is not omniscient, nor does it have access to omnipotent powers.  It is probably just my intuition.  If I believe everything the voice says, I can be led into danger.  However, it can help me out, be a companion, and allow me to bounce ideas off of it, if I treat it like any other friend.
 
I have decided to call it “Tooey” for Intuition.  I must be vigilant to keep the voice in its place.  I do not think Tooey likes to be called Tooey because it is not around as much as before.
 

Contentment

 
I had a talk with my husband this evening.  I asked him what he thought was the most important thing we had done since we moved to Colorado.  He said, “starting a life together.”  When I ask my husband if he is happy, he usually says “yes.”  If he does not say “yes,” he says, “content.”  I am grateful he is happy with our marriage.  I would like to look for ways to improve it, but my husband cannot think of anything to make it better.  Maybe that is good.  We had a devotional this evening.  It was about being content with where you are in life, even if it does not seem that God’s promises are coming to pass.
 

Gratitude

 
Gratitude must be the key to contentment.   The Bible says, “Always be joyful.  Never stop praying.  Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT).
 
I suffered some more depression this past week.  After sorting through my feelings, I started to realize that I can either be grateful or ungrateful.  Being ungrateful deepened my depression and my dissatisfaction with my lot in life.  Gratitude got me back to the good place.
 

Steadfastness

 
Getting in that good spot is great.  However, it is all too easy to slip out.  What can I do to be firm, steadfast, and immovable?   The Bible says to be steadfast.  It does not say how.  Maybe it does.  Here is a verse:  “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.” (2 Peter 1:5-7).
 
Faith, virtue, knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love–I like the part about self-control.  Eating with self-control is important.  Speaking with self-control is paramount.  I find that I have to even write with self-control.  Last week, I wrote two blog posts and dumped my feelings.  I even posted one of the entries.  Then I decided they were not suitable for posting on the Internet and scratched the posts.  I have to use self-control in what I write.
 

Contentment as a Value

 
Perhaps I should place contentment higher on my list of values.  It is perhaps not as thrilling as joy, passion, or happiness, but contentment is okay.  It is a place of peace within oneself and one’s surroundings.  Paul said, “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” (Phillipians 4:11 KJV).  Paul had learned contentment.  How do I learn it?
 
One thing I noticed about Natasha Tracy was that she had not found contentment.  She hates her bipolar disorder.  I cannot say that I love mine, but I believe I have made strides in making peace with it.  I do not feel that I have lost the biological lottery in getting it.  I still do not know the exact cause of my disorder, and that is just as well.  There is nothing and no one to blame, not even myself.  I could say that God gave it to me, but let me not even blame God.
 
I could be bitter over it, and sometimes I get that way, but today I feel at peace.  I am learning contentment within my state of being.
 
 
 
 
EVENING Prayer
 
Dear Lord,
 
Let me find contentment.  Like Natasha Tracy, I have a hard time motivating myself to shower and vacuum.  However, I have ways of getting myself to do things, which I have shared in my book, Joyful Vibrance:  Transform Your Body Image, Energy, and Mood!
 
Tonight, I feel a beautiful peace.  My anger from a few days ago is gone.  My life here with my husband is very comfortable.  I can find contentment here.  Help me to remember to express gratitude as often as possible.
 
My morning routine is starting to shape up.  I have returned to my practice of meditation.  Help me to stay steadfast in that because it brings me peace.
 
Lord, my inner voice is going away.  I should have noticed years ago that it is not omniscient.
It failed me again and again, but I wanted it to be more than it was.  I am grateful I am developing greater confidence in my own voice, rather than relying on the inner voice all the time.
 
I pray, Lord, that I will never fall into psychosis again.  I even became delirious.  A faith-promoting story of my former faith is about a young man who slew a relative and respected citizen because an inner voice prompted him to do so.  He went on to steal and kidnap as well.  As a youngster I loved this story, but now I do not.  After decades of serving my inner voice and occasionally falling into psychosis with it, I believe I must reject subservience to an inner voice.
 
Lord, please bless my following with contentment and steadfastness.  If they suffer from bipolar disorder or anything like it, let them know they can still be happy.  Help them to find and give encouragement.
 
Amen.
 
If you would like to join me in this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
KaeLyn Morrill
 
 

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