This morning, my weight increased .3 kg from yesterday. I need more vegetables and green drinks. So starting today, I plan to make a green drink for breakfast daily. If I put it off until later in the day, I will often eat something that keeps me from doing that.
I have made a green drink 9 of the 21 days of my diet. Let me increase that frequency. A green drink almost guarantees I will get all of my nutrients. Green drinks were the cornerstone of my diet when I reduced to less than 50 kg. I do not see how I will reach that goal again without that nutritional support.
Of course, that means keeping greens in stock and cleaning the Vitamix after each use. Making green drinks will involve conscientious work. I added an item to JV Life Tracker (Vibrancy) to remind me to make green drinks for breakfast. Seeing that as I go through my checklist every day will help.
That seemingly insignificant change to my routine could make a vast difference. I will monitor my progress and look for improvements.
On average, I have eaten 6.5 vegetables daily. I can improve on that. There is some question as to what constitutes a vegetable serving. I do not think all of my “servings” were full half-cup servings. So I will watch that more closely. I am glad I have been doing as well as I have.
It is 7:36 AM now. I slept past 5:00 AM this morning, which is my goal. However, I did not retire last night until about 11:30 PM. My husband wanted me to stay up with him, and I relented. After spending so much time on my blog yesterday, I had neglected him. Keeping everything in balance is a challenge for us all. I have some tools that help me. However, I make judgment errors sometimes.
Though I am a bit off-balance, I am happy with my life. Writing is what makes me the most joyful, so I will do a lot of it. I have written 45,117 words in this blog series so far.
It is now 7:59 AM. It is less than one half-hour until breakfast. Let me listen to my success meditation to start my day.
That was just the thing.
Let me take some SAMe. I have done that 20 of 21 days. I think it helps, but it is not as powerful an antidepressant as a prescription med. It has fewer side effects, though. The package insert for SAMe says to not take it if you have bipolar disorder as it can trigger mania. However, I have taken it safely off and on for years. Before using it, I recommend medical advice, which I got from an integrative medicine doctor. However, my current doctor is not that familiar with SAMe and will not prescribe a specific amount. So I am using my best guess. Sometimes that is all we can do with supplements.
I am sipping a green drink now after a 16:43-hour fast. For a list of the ingredients, see the diet diary below. Monday is my chiropractor appointment.
For lunch, I had what I typically eat for breakfast. See the diet diary below for the list of ingredients. Now I have 95% of all my target nutrients.
I am perplexed about our car registration. We never got a card in the mail. I found out that we need to do emissions testing and where. However, will they do it without a card? I tried to call, but the line was busy. They apparently are not doing testing today but will reopen tomorrow. Maybe I can just go over there. I hate to waste a trip, though, if they require a card. I tried texting, but their phone is a landline. The phone is still busy!
After the holiday today, I can call again. The card must have gotten lost because we moved. Last year, it must have been forwarded. However, the forwarding expired. Minutes ago, I updated the address for our license plates online. At least, that is taken care of now, and we will get the card next year.
I ate some bread today for my snack. I have been avoiding bread, but today with all the stress of the license plates, it seemed like just the thing. We will see how it works out tomorrow. Afterward, I started another 17:30 hour fast.
One of the dieting challenges is that you can only predict what will happen due to each food you eat. Even eating the same menu every day will not have the same effect on your weight. I ate some bread. It might be okay because of its high fiber/low sugar content. On the other hand, it could be a disaster diet-wise. I have to wait until tomorrow to find out, and even then, I may not know its full range of effects. I have 237 calories remaining in my budget, which will help. I managed to squeeze under 15 grams of fructose. However, the bread contains fructose from its added sugar. The fructose is not in its food record in Cronometer. I checked. That is not a good thing. We will have to see what happens tomorrow.
What is Lowering My Mood?
My mood has been lower today. Except for being frustrated that I gained when I expected to lose, I do not know what is wrong. It could be my back, but it is not aching as much as it did yesterday. The chiropractor made a healthy adjustment on it once I told him what hurt. So it probably is not that.
I could be concerned about my mother’s move. She has had COVID-19 and is selling her home without disclosing her infection. I offered to pay for disinfecting it. I could be worried about the expense of doing that. That probably is not it, however, because I have enough money to help her. What is eating me? Is it my stuff in storage? I thought of letting it all go, but I keep thinking of individual things I still want. However, there is the trouble of fetching those items. Again, I have enough money to put off those decisions.
So what can I do? I do not want to get depressed again. So far, my energy level is still high. I did not use my night-guard last night, so I could be concerned about my jaw. However, that is not too big of a deal right now.
Think About What Is Going Right
Instead of thinking about what is wrong in my life, I can start thinking of what is going right. I asked, “What is going right in my life?” My husband said, “Everything!” I like his attitude. It is not so bad. Sure, there are a few administrative frustrations, but I have been active, getting a lot done. Things are going well! Minutes ago, I did the dishes. That always helps.
No Expensive Medication
It could be that the bread this afternoon sent my mood down. Let me get back to gluten-free. That may help. Tomorrow, I have a Zoom meeting with my psychiatrist. He has been anxious to put me on an expensive medication. I have been avoiding it. If I tell him I am down, he will see it as evidence that I need it. I do not want to let him know I am down. Maybe I was down, but only for a few minutes. That is inconsequential.
I am determined to find a depression solution that does not involve going on one of those two exorbitantly expensive medications. No. No. No. Could I be getting depressed out of the fear of what I may have to do for my depression? That is anxiety. Anxiety and depression are close cousins.
Now that the dishes are done, I am feeling relieved. Thank you for letting me work through a low mood. I am feeling better now. My blog is what is going right in my life, and you are a part of it. I have also lost three pounds in three weeks.
I feel the urge to eat. However, I have started a fast. Tonight, I will not break my fast. That ultimately will help me feel better. I read some more Tony Robbins today. He said that we trade long-term pleasures for short-term ones. Holding to a fast pursues a long-term pleasure. When I did not lose weight this morning, even though I fasted 20 hours yesterday, I worried that pleasure would never come. However, realistically, I need to keep going. It could be that I am losing fat and filling adipose tissue with water. Eventually, my body will shed it. However, I have to be patient. I do not know for sure if this is it. However, I know that it can happen.
Coming up with a story for what is going on is comforting. It will be okay. If reaching my goal weight takes longer than 110 days, that is okay. Nevertheless, I am trying to keep it on schedule by cheating as little as possible. If I have done everything I can, and it still does not work, I will develop strategy B. For now, having a daily green drink will make a difference.
I turned on some music: Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel. That was my first boyfriend’s and my song. I found him on Facebook years ago. I was impressed that he was so successful. He still had one of my senior pictures. We both got into computers.
Sometimes your first love is not the one. I dated approximately 100 men. My husband just never let me go. I finally decided that it was worth something. I tried to replace him, but no one had what he did. Now, I am glad things worked out between us, even though he is disabled. He requires a lot of care, but he always appreciates it. His attitude is fantastic. He let go of his resentments and regrets years ago. He says they were a waste of time. I love him more every day. I keep saying, “Thank you for inviting me into your life.” He says, “Thank you for coming.” He also says, “I can’t do it without you.” I cannot afford to die. My husband cannot do it without me.
You may say that we are co-dependent. I do not think that term should be a hate word. I realize that we both need each other. I have always valued my independence. However, now I am content to be interdependent. I intend to stick it out through thick and thin. Fortunately, there are side benefits. One of those is the maid service. This morning my husband asked me again to schedule the maid to come every two weeks instead of four. He said if it requires some of his principal, that’s okay. I was surprised. He does not give that up easily. It probably will only dip into his interest. We are very fortunate. He has been a good steward of his money. Neither of us is likely to face starvation or homelessness.
What can I do to make my life worthwhile to me? I still fantasize about death sometimes. It must be a symptom of the manic-depression. My husband calls it the “Dark Side.” Today, I got fed up with my mood swings again. It seemed that death would be the only relief. However, I got through a significant dip in my mood this afternoon. I am feeling okay again. I am well-off, especially with what my husband provides me. I never had that in my first marriage.
We can become inured to good things. We sometimes take what we have for granted. That is why the rich can be miserable.
However, I have learned that we need to feel we deserve what we have and want. I have not fully incorporated that belief into my personal philosophy, but I am working on it. In my youth, I did not feel that I deserved much, at least material things. I am not sure why I felt that way. I rarely asked my parents for anything. I figured they were concerned about my eleven siblings and themselves. I tried not to ask for much of their time either. I kept to myself a lot. My father actually gave me a lot of his time. He even drove me to my first job, which I worked during lunchtime at school. Did I feel deserving of that? I kind of did. My dad never complained about doing that.
I graduated from college, made my own money, collected quite a few things. However, I did not feel that I was deserving of love. I had been rejected by men because of my depressions. Because of these, I did not think I was any good or worthy of love. If I did not deserve love, I did not deserve any material substance from a man.
I am beginning to feel differently. Of course, I am deserving of my husband’s love. And I deserve the maid service, too. I could do the work myself, but the maids do it so much quicker and better. I need the time for the laundry and other care my husband requires.
Am I happy? I am feeling okay; I am grateful. I have not ordered the extra maid service yet, but I will. I just wrote an email about it. Soon our place will be even cleaner!
The bread caused excessive carbs. That may interfere with weight loss. However, the total calories are still low. Too much almond milk resulted in too much calcium. However, the green drink and the walnut blueberry mini joy did a great job filling my nutrient requirements. My high-potassium breakfast was probably the cause of my regular blood pressure readings.
If you would like to join me on this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One. If you wish to download a FREE copy of my ebook (with no need to enter your name or email), click on the book below. Please continue this journey with me by clicking on the arrows at the right of the page.
This article, with its diet diary, shows what worked for me. I do not claim that it will work for you. Consult a licensed medical provider to determine your diet and medical care. These blog entries do not diagnose or treat any disease. If I provide any clues for you or your provider, I will be happy.