Day 207, I Will Clean the Kitchen in the Morning. Now I Need Time with My Maker
The kitchen is always there to clean. Sometimes I need time first with my Maker.
This morning, I posted a couple of blog entries that were pending. I pray that my mood will normalize today so I can get a lot done. I meditated for the first time in a while just now. It snowed last night, so it looks like winter again. However, it will probably melt away very soon.
Tuesday I noticed the change in Cronometer’s potassium limits. I can set custom limits if I want to. 4700 mg a day is very hard to reach and virtually impossible to do without supplementation. The supplement I take, km Mineral Supplement, is good for my energy, but is that because of its potassium content or its proprietary herbal mix? Perhaps I should limit the amount I take to control costs, deriving benefits from taking it but not using it to meet my potassium quota, which at 4700 mg per day is kind of unrealistic. Perhaps this is a matter I could take to my Maker.
Lord, Cronometer has decided to use AI or adequate intake values for potassium rather than 4700 mg/day, which for my age and gender is 2600 mg/day. It seems like a more realistic target. I have been using km Mineral Supplement to help me meet the old target, and even then I did not reach it all the time. I wondered if I should be content with the adequate intake as a target. Also, do you think it would still be wise to use an ounce or so of km Mineral Supplement per day to improve my energy levels? If I go over 100% of the adequate intake level, that is not a problem.
Lord, do I still need to target 4700 mg a day for the sake of my blood pressure?
What is that target based on?
Maybe the average person. However, it could be calculated to cover the needs of 90% of all people.
Are you the size of the average person?
No, I am somewhat smaller. Maybe I should ask what the size of the average adult American is in kilograms.
I found this table. It is 80.7 kg. At 56 kg, I am 69% of the average. I do not know what percentage I am of the 90th percentile.
Check that out.
The 90th percentile weight averaged between adult American men and women is 111 kg. I am 50% of that.
What is 50% of 4700 mg?
Would that be a good target for you?
Maybe it would be. I may need more though because I lose potassium due to my lithium intake.
That is true. How much of an effect do you think that is?
I have no idea. I found this:
Studies in rats found that dietary potassium supplementation reduced adverse effects of lithium on growth and renal function and morphology. Loss of intracellular potassium may contribute to lithium-induced electrocardiographic ST-T wave changes. Little work has been done in humans to evaluate the potential benefit of potassium supplementation.
Hypokalemia should be avoided or corrected in patients taking lithium. The role of potassium supplementation in preventing renal and other complications in the presence of normokalemia requires further investigation.
This says that potassium supplementation requires further investigation.
But there is some indication that it could be helpful.
What if you added 50%?
Okay, that would be 3525 mg, less than 4700 mg, and easier to achieve.
Possible to achieve?
Why not set up a custom requirement for potassium for now at that level and supplement to that level?
Would it be adequate for me?
Why not monitor that? Have you been checking your blood pressure daily?
No. I could.
Let us do that. If you need more potassium, you can take it.
Lord, thanks for giving me these ideas. I wish I could get a hard answer.
Your body is always going to need custom care. Stock answers are not going to work for you.
I guess that is true for everyone.
I checked my food diary since January 7, 2019, and my Trends report without supplements showed that on the average, I had logged exactly 100% of my potassium needs at the 3525 mg/day level. V8 is the biggest contributor at 26%. I can hardly believe my intake is right on. Any supplementation would be optional.
Accordingly, I will set a custom minimum at 3525 mg of potassium, and see how I do.
Now, I could make some lemonade or get breakfast. I have already had quite a bit to eat. I wonder what would be the wisest thing to do. I could walk for a while first too. I took my blood pressure. It is 134/85, which is in the acceptable range.
What Should I Do About Weight Loss?
For now, I know what I am doing for potassium. What should I do about weight loss? I muscle tested whether I should lose to 114 pounds and got a positive result. 114 pounds would be an 18.5 BMI on my frame. It is the lowest safe weight. Do I need to be at the bottom of the safe range?
Should I attempt to lose half a pound a week, one pound, or something in-between?
What plan do you have the best compliance with?
Half a pound a week. Except I did not actually lose half a pound a week for some reason. I did a good job of maintaining my weight at that setting.
What worked the best for weight loss?
Anything works great the first week. Then after that, I lose nothing, or perhaps I gain back.
I can see your frustration.
I have never had such a hard time losing weight. As long as I kept a diet diary, I was always able to lose weight in the past. The second week was always rough, but then my weight loss would resume.
What is different now?
I am married. I have passed menopause. I am older.
You said your BMI is about 20?
That is considered normal weight.
Yes, it is just that I have been lower and liked it.
But was it the most healthy for you?
I think I did okay. However, I did drink a diet of a lot of green drinks to get down that far. I have not repeated that this time, and maybe that is what it takes.
Would you be willing to do it again?
I do not think I would be willing to do it all the time, to maintain it.
Bingo. Do you want a life of straight green drinks?
Actually they are not really the most healthy option.
I could just set Cronometer to lose half a pound a week, log my exercise, and that will do a good job of maintaining my weight.
You could. Are you worried about your readers? What will they think if you give up your weight loss pursuits?
We could talk about joyful vibrance instead.
That is the true aim of your blog, is it not?
I suppose it is possible that I could get off my plateau and actually lose half a pound here or there with that plan.
That is possible. KaeLyn, your eating is out-of-control at the moment.
That is true. I have not fully recovered from my depression.
Do you think your depression was a result of your plateau?
I think the reason for my depression was deeper than that. Yesterday, I explored what I could do. I think I have a good start on where to go from here.
Let us consider going back to the half-a-pound-a-week setting. You have been doing that for quite some time now, and it has been successful in that you have not gained weight. It is doable in terms of your appetite. One pound a week really pushes you, and you have a harder time sustaining it.
That is true. I have to plan out every morsel in advance, and then I cannot follow my plans.
Let us see how compliant you can be at the ‘lose half a pound a week’ setting. If you do not lose half a pound a week, so what? You are at a normal weight. You look great. Your husband calls you gorgeous. I suggest you even buy some more clothes.
That is good advice. Am I giving up just because I am depressed?
You are not giving up. The ‘half a pound a week’ setting still pushes you.
That it does. I do not know if I can sustain it unless I have the expectation of actually losing weight.
What is your other alternative? Go back to 155 pounds or more?
I guess my body is always wanting to go there unless I take conscious action.
That is the depressing thing about losing weight. Maintaining a weight loss is almost as hard.
But you are willing.
A friend of mine who was really slender in college recently told me that she was 50 pounds overweight. I could hardly believe it. I was the one who was overweight, but I have not been overweight for years. It has taken a lot of effort though.
Yes, it does.
I have found however, that weight loss is only the tip of the iceberg. There are so many other markers of good health that go along with it. So, maybe I can work hard to maintain my weight, remembering that if I do not, I will possibly gain 50 pounds.
Lord, will you help me?
I am here for that reason.
Why do I feel like a failure today?
That is your depression talking. You are an incredible success.
I cannot even lose 15 pounds.
You have lost over 30 pounds and kept it off. That qualifies you to be on the weight-loss registry.
I guess that is true.
KaeLyn, what did you promise yourself today?
That I would get FMTV.
Why do you not sign up for it right now?
The money all goes to Australia.
Many of those films are American films. You are supporting people everywhere.
I guess that is true.
KaeLyn, look at your bank account. It is huge.
I married a well-to-do man.
For my first movie in FMTV, I chose There’s A Spiritual Solution To Every Problem with Wayne Dyer, which is a presentation about the book with the same name. Parts of this were deja vu, so perhaps Dr. Dyer has said the same thing in other presentations.
His demonstration of strength and lack of strength in a woman with positive and negative thoughts respectively was thought-provoking. I wonder if my negative thoughts actually bring on depression. According to Dr. David Burns, they do. Dr. Dyer showed how these thoughts could turn strength off and on almost instantaneously. He referred to the famous Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. He said all problems were merely from being disconnected from Source.
Maybe I can talk about this with my Source.
Lord, Wayne Dyer had a strong spiritual side to him during the latter part of his life. He said he was talking about being Christ-like, not merely Christian, Buddha-like, not merely Buddhist, or Muhammed-like, not merely Muslim. As a Christian, I believe You are Christ, but I respect the Higher Power that anyone chooses, so long as that High Power brings peace. Can you tell me what I should notice about what Wayne Dyer said to bring more joyful vibrance into my life?
Where there is hatred, sow love.
Or perhaps even where I have only imagined there is hatred, I should sow love. I could think of examples, but that would make my arm go weak.
KaeLyn, think loving kindness towards everyone.
Should I just ignore all their ignorance, unkindness, etc.?
I guess I have been judgmental of people. How can I always think the best of them? Dyer said if you are thinking revenge, you had better dig two graves.
Exactly. Always imagine that a person will do you a good turn someday, and it may just happen.
Everyone that pays taxes has already done me a good turn. I should be grateful to everybody.
Absolutely. You can be grateful towards everybody. Think of all the effort that went into making everything you have and are. Millions of people were involved in that effort.
Just the food I consume required the efforts of probably millions.
Exactly, even if you may think one of those people is unkind to you. Think of what they have done for you. That is especially true of your parents.
I should be more grateful to everybody.
KaeLyn, grace has been given to you many times.
That is definitely the truth. Dr. Dyer said that we are connected to everybody.
He said especially that it was important to be connected to Source.
Do not even think revenge.
Wayne Dyer stressed service rather than accomplishment and accumulation.
I have my accomplishment lists, but perhaps they are meaningless.
Except they are a springboard for service. See it that way and your accomplishments will not be meaningless.
What can I do to do more meaningful work?
Stop worrying about what people will think of you, and say what is in your heart. You have beautiful things to say. Stop worrying about being judged for what you are saying.
Wayne Dyer also quoted Mother Theresa where she talked about how people may put you down, but to do good anyway.
Exactly. Say the good things in your heart. If you are ridiculed for it, that is okay.
I have been so worried about making mistakes.
KaeLyn, everyone makes mistakes. If you make a mistake, admit it, and go on.
Dr. Dyer talked about people who see their mistakes and make a total transformative turn-around.
That can happen. You have turned around a few times yourself.
Is there anything I can do to protect myself against depression? I declared myself healed last month.
The things you are talking about right now are some of your best insurance. Keep joy in your heart. Do not dwell on the faults of others. Look for what they are doing right. Recognize it in your heart and to them if possible.
I think I have gotten better about doing that with my husband. I used to compare him to a checklist of behaviors. Now I just see him for the good man he is and how generous and grateful he is being to me.
He loves you for it.
I sometimes refer him to the time we had problems in our relationship. I probably should not do that because according to him, we never had those problems.
Problems are all in the mind. Remember what Wayne Dyer said?
That is true. I had problems in my mind, but they never were in my husband’s mind.
So own the problem, and now get rid of it by acknowledging where the problem came from. It came from you, not from your husband.
Lord, help me to gain confidence from You. I thought watching FMTV could be a waste of time, but perhaps it is not. If I can eliminate all my problems by just changing my mind, what a powerful thing that is!
Lord, I watched The Trouble With Bread on FMTV. According to that presentation, the homemade, stone-ground, whole-wheat bread I ate growing up was probably pretty good. We were certainly healthy as a family because our medical bills were minimal. I missed very little school in high school and got straight A’s. It was not until after I graduated from high school that I started having severe troubles with my health. Of course, towards the end of high school, I ate quite a lot at McDonald’s, eating their processed, enriched-wheat buns. That probably was not so good.
What can you do now for your health?
The enriched-flour fettuccine that I have been eating probably is not so healthy. I am not sure about the bread we get. According to The Trouble with Bread, food manufacturers can make it look like you are getting whole wheat bread when that is not really so. I think my husband and I do the best we can. It costs more for wholesome bread, but we are willing to pay more for the good stuff. I think there might be a story about gluten missing in that movie though, so I am reluctant to make all my decisions based on that film alone.
Would you like to learn more?
I am always willing to do that. What do you recommend for the evening, Lord? My husband is relaxing after his supper.
How is your mood?
It is a lot better today. Maybe FMTV was the magic thing. I feel more kindly disposed towards everyone tonight, realizing how everyone is a part of me. I cannot survive without the efforts of millions of others. I feel more grateful for everyone and especially for my husband. I do not know where I got into the habit of nitpicking on everyone’s faults, but I have done that to myself as well. It is time to be kinder to myself and to everyone else. We are all in this together, and we all need each other. Lord, is it really possible for me to transform myself in this area instantaneously?
I have probably picked on Mom the worst. She has so many strengths. How can I keep from ever picking on her again?
Without her, you would not even have life.
That goes without saying.
Be grateful for it. Are you grateful for your life?
Sometimes I have not been. Maybe depression is nothing more than being ungrateful for my life.
Learn to be grateful for the great gift life is. Then you will appreciate the woman who gave it to you.
What can I do to appreciate life more?
Think of what you can do, not what you cannot do. Think of what you have, not what you do not have. You have the ability to use your mind. Think of how great that is. You have so many things, if you will only ask for them. Think of the power of asking. You have my ear. What more do you want?
I appreciate getting an answer, so thank You for that. Yes, I guess I just need to exercise more appreciation.
What would you like tonight? Name your wishes.
I would like to have the kitchen cleaned.
You do not expect your husband to do that, do you?
No, that is my job.
Consider this. What if the kitchen did not bother you being dirty?
That could work for a time.
Are you picking on yourself for the state of your kitchen?
Maybe I am. I want to continue this conversation with you, but the kitchen is in there dirty.
Do you want to listen to the Mary part of yourself or the Martha?
I guess Mary prevails right now, but Martha is nagging me to get the kitchen cleaned.
Let us tell Martha to do the kitchen herself.
I can let it be for a time. I could possibly even wait until morning to clean the kitchen when I have a bit more energy and inclination.
That is a great idea.
Then let us talk. So, if I can stop nit picking on myself and others, do you believe I will be more joyfully vibrant?
First, let us think what the opposite of nit picker is. Then let us install that in your self-image.
That is a great idea. I worked quality assurance in the software industry and actually became a professional nit picker.
You do not need to define yourself that way. Can quality be assured without the need to nitpick?
I could just uphold a set of standards.
Okay, but how can you do that without the action of nit picking?
I do not know.
What if one of your standards is that you do not nit pick? That actually becomes the standard. How would you uphold that?
I do know know. I am so used to nit picking against standards that the only thing I can think of is to abandon the standard.
Is that necessary? What is your standard for the kitchen?
Clean and functional.
All the time?
At least when I need to prepare food.
Okay, can you make a food preparation ritual that first includes making the kitchen clean and functional?
It takes extra time.
When is a better time to do it?
I could clean the kitchen sooner.
When you are in deep conversation with Me?
That would not be a good time. I need to record our conversations, and I cannot do that while cleaning the kitchen.
Okay then. You have your priorities.
I guess I will wait on the kitchen then. I always get it cleaned at least once a day. I guess that is a standard too.
KaeLyn, what does your husband think?
He is not bothered with how I do the kitchen. He says I am very clean. He even calls me his neatnik.
So he is not nit picking on you.
Not at all.
Can you live up to his standard?
That is a thought.
KaeLyn, I think the kitchen looks great.
In its mess?
It looks like it is being used. There is love there.
Thanks, but I still think it is a mess.
A lovely mess, kind of like a puzzle that has a few pieces yet to be put together. You love messes like that.
Actually, I do.
Just think of it that way. When you have more time for the puzzle, you can fix a few more pieces.
I fell asleep while lying beside my husband. I woke up thinking it was morning, but it was not even midnight yet. I brushed my teeth, took my medicine, got a drink of water, refilled the Berkey, checked my email, and baby shampooed my eyes. Now I am finishing up this entry. I mostly wrote prayers all day.
Will people be interested in reading this?
Lord, the kitchen is still a mess, but my husband feels loved. I asked him what more he would like in this marriage. He said he wants things to stay the same. I am so glad he feels a sense of marital satisfaction. I started to feel that myself as I got my blog going; I feel a sense of joy in writing.
Not long ago, I bought some books off the discard shelf at the library. One book was a set of prayers written by two housewives. As I read through the prayers, I could relate. I did not finish reading the book, and I left it in Utah. However, this blog in some way resembles it. The people who wrote the book seemed to need the prayers just to get through their hectic days with their families.
What do you need prayer for?
I need someone to converse with me who totally understands me. I seem to have a great need to be understood. I wrote my mentor for a long time, and I finally felt like one other person on earth understood me.
I do understand you.
I was referring to a man who now lives in Hawaii.
KaeLyn, do you think your husband understands you?
Not to that degree. Perhaps I should have written him long letters as well.
Could you now?
He does not even get on his computer. I have never even hooked it up since moving here. I talked to him just now, and he did not seem to understand me. He may have email on his iPhone, though I doubt it is hooked up.
What do you want him to understand?
I want him to understand why I wanted to get married rather than just live together. Though he knows our relationship is better now that we are married, he still does not see why marriage was such a big deal to me.
You needed that protection.
He thought our relationship when we were single was just fine, and he could not understand why I dated other men in hopes of finding someone to marry. Over and over again, he could not understand why I would not just stay with him without ever getting married. Our relationship before marriage lasted almost thirteen years, but it was on and off because he was not willing to make a commitment. I think he finally committed because he was desperate for me to come to Colorado to be with him, and I would not come or stay unless he married me. I was a lot more vulnerable than he realized, and I still do not feel 100% protected.
What can I do to protect you Myself?
Teach me how to survive in my situation. It took me a long time to get my husband to the bank.
Yes, I remember.
We did not accomplish it until one day later. Anyway, there is more that needs to be done. His son has offered to do some estate work with us.
I probably should leave nothing to chance. I do not want to threaten the relationship by being overly pushy.
Do you feel alone?
I kind of do.
I am with you, all the way. Ask for my help, and it will be there, every day.
Thank You. I know You have already helped me. Things would not be this far along without Your assistance.
What is your next step?
I have several things pending. You know my Inbox to-do list.
I have at least three items in there regarding the estate. Will you help me select the next thing to work on?
Maybe I should be less focused on my blog and get more focused on the estate.
You are not that familiar with legal issues. You need more knowledge.
That is true. I do not even know my rights in the state of Colorado. I know the laws are different than they are in Utah.
So what you want is understanding?
KaeLyn, You have my Protection.
I have noticed it many times. Help me to always have faith in it.
KaeLyn, I have often encouraged you to buy a book about the estate laws of Colorado, but you have not done it.
That is true. I was afraid it was going to be written in legalese, a language I do not understand.
Do not underestimate yourself. You know several computer languages, you can figure out legalese.
If you have that kind of confidence in me, let me find that book again and get it purchased.
Last night I purchased a couple of books that might be helpful. I need to take, “I can’t read legalese!” out of my self-image. I cleaned the kitchen this morning, having more energy and inclination for it than I would have had last night.
My weight this morning was the lowest it has been all year at 55.2 kg, so getting away from my Cronometer log for a couple of days did not cause any damage. I have lost just over a pound this month. If I lose a pound every month, that will eventually get me where I want to be. In the past, when I was close to my goal weight, I would aim for a pound a month, and I could successfully do it.
If you have a lot to lose, you may not be satisfied with such slow weight loss. However, when you are down to the last few pounds, you may have to be satisfied with losing weight at that rate. Anyway, I have a plan.
Lord, let us talk some more this morning.
What is on your mind, KaeLyn?
Last night I mentioned something to my husband about how he wanted to be buried, and he did not want to discuss anything about death.
That is a typical reaction.
He acts as if he thinks he is never going to die.
Have you not felt that way about yourself?
That is true. It has only been recently that I have accepted my mortality. If he does not tell me what he wants for the future, I will have to end up deciding for him.
Would that be so bad?
I got a book last night about some considerations that can be made, which I will have to read. Right now, I do not really like thinking about these things either. Since my husband is probably never going to get to his estate, what is the best move for me to make? One of my husband’s favorite sayings is, “not now.”
First, get more knowledge. Do not nag him. Present him with a piece of paper to sign at some point. You know you can get a mobile notary public if needed.
That is true. I had to do that to even get married. So, figure out the paper work myself?
Absolutely, do not leave that up to him.
How should I approach him with it?
Like you did with the marriage license: firmly, intently, gently.
I fixed a 5-egg omelette for brunch and ate a good portion of it. It was a bit hard to estimate in Cronometer, but I did the best I could. I feel a bit sleepy now. I got into the legalese somewhat, and as I suspected, it is incomprehensible. However, I will persist and do what I can. The Lord has faith that I can do it. When I studied biochemistry, much of that was incomprehensible also, but I just got through it and absorbed as much as I could. Now I am glad I have that background.
I took a long nap this afternoon. Last night I went to bed late. This morning I got up early, so I needed that nap. Maybe I can watch some FMTV this afternoon.