Day 2, My Depression Breaks

 

Morning

 
I got up before 4:00 AM and managed to get back to sleep until 7:00 AM when my cell phone alarm sounded.  Glad to get the extra sleep, I weighed in at 54.6 kg, down .2 kilograms from Day One.  Now, let us create exciting happenings!
 
Today, I plan to order groceries through Instacart.  I can clean the kitchen, take my thyroid medication, and make the bed, [which I have done now].  I have laundry to do, and I can take a walk to the library, take out the trash, and get the mail.  All of this probably sounds mundane and not very exciting.  However, if I get caught up on things, it will be thrilling.  My goal is to break the depression I have experienced since getting off of an antidepressant in July.
 
My 88-year-old friend Jacque gave me a bracelet with a tiny metal box held shut with a clasp.  She said to put a prayer in the box and shut it up again.  The box is too small to enclose a written prayer.  She probably meant that I should pray into it.  Let me do that.
 
 
 
MORNING PRAYER
 
Dear Lord,
 
Thank you for this beautiful, late-summer day.  Please help me lose approximately eleven pounds in 110 days.  First, please help me reverse my gaining trend.
 
I must practically be obsessed with accomplishing this.  I believe you have given me permission to be obsessed.  This goal will require focus and wisdom.  Mental adjustment is needed.  My friends and family tell me that I do not need to lose weight.  However, I know how my body feels; I know how my clothes fit me; I know myself better than any other human.  Already, for two years, I have struggled to do this.  I almost gave up.  However, I still want to do it.
 
I am renewing my efforts.  In one day, I have already been rewarded with a .2 kilogram loss.  Help me to continue, this time privately, so my actions do not get torn down by others’ remarks.
 
Amen.
 
There.  My prayer is in the box.  I am ready.
 

Cabbage

 
I ate some raw cabbage after breakfast this morning.  That was an efficacious idea yesterday.  I brushed my teeth with Sonicare this morning and scored 164 points for yesterday with JV Life Tracker.  That score is in the same range as the points in my euthymic period while I was on Imipramine.  It looks like I can break my depressive episode.  I need to keep going like this.
 

Walk to the Library

 
I walked over a mile to the library and back.  Beautiful outside, the temperature was in the 70s F.  I looked at a book and decided not to check it out, coming back empty-handed.  That is okay.  I have plenty of reading material.  Now I feel a tad drowsy.  I can lie down for a while.
 

Meditation and Lunch

 
I lay down with a 20-minute guided meditation: Finding Your Purpose by Stuart Kaplan.  I dozed for a few minutes and relaxed.  Then I had lunch:  bread and milk again.  At least, I did not have a lot of trans fat butter with it this time like I did yesterday.
 

Groceries

 
Now, I will order groceries, including nail polish and remover.  Though I hate to toss my kale and spinach, it has reached a state where I do not want to make green drinks out of it.  It is best to start over.  I am already feeling better than I did last week.  There is hope I will bust my depression with the process of losing weight and telling how I do it.
 
I have sent off my grocery order to three different stores this time.  All of it will be here within two hours.
 

Side Salad

 
I created and ate a quick side salad to complement lunch.  Here it is!
 
 
Check out the diet diary below for the recipe!
 
Two of the grocery orders have arrived.  I am waiting for the third, feeling a bit hungry.  Maybe the side salad pictures and the groceries I put away are triggering it.  Let me think of a way to deal with the hunger that will not mess up my diet.  I could try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping.  I have not done that for a while because tapping near the eyes sends them into spasms.  However, it is a way to deal with a craving.  Let me cautiously try it.
 
After one round of tapping, my feelings are much reduced.  Maybe I will have some water instead.  Snack time is another 70 minutes.  I can wait; I will not starve to death.  To address my hunger, I could have another piece of cabbage.  However, since I do not feel like doing that, it must not be true hunger.  It is a craving.  Another way of dealing with this is to go for a walk.  I will do that right now.
 

Pasture-Raised Eggs for Snack

 
The final order of groceries came not long before snack time.  I had boiled five eggs.  As I said to my husband, “Three for me and two for you.”  Here they are topped with sea salt, freshly ground pepper, turmeric, oregano, and basil.  I am hoping they will hold my appetite until dinner time.  I added some almond milk we got from the store today.
 
 
Now my diet diary is looking great!  I have eaten only 71% of my calories for the day, and I have broken my 57-day depression.  If I can hold that in place, life will be a breeze.
 

Motivational Literature

 
During my walk, I decided to re-read a book of motivational literature I have on hand:  Anthony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within.  This book motivated me to lose 12 pounds from 132 to 120 pounds back in 2004.  He may also give me techniques to hold my depression at bay.
 

Resolve Thyroid Issues

 
Now I am losing from 121 to 110 pounds, which I have done before.  It should be possible to do it again.  However, menopause presents challenges to dieting.  Hopefully, I can overcome them.  I finally have my Armour Thyroid prescription set to 60 mg daily.  For months, from late 2019 until July 10th of this summer, I took 30 mg daily, which was not enough.  I kept gaining weight slowly, even though my calorie intake was low.  I also had some depression.  If you have thyroid challenges, get them resolved before you undertake a reducing program.  You will need to seek medical help for that.  Otherwise, you are probably doomed to failure.
 
Now, I think I will start the laundry.
 

Single-Minded Focus

 
I read the first part of Awaken the Giant Within.  Tony emphasizes focusing on a single area of life.   Without focus, our success will be hampered.   I have probably sabotaged myself in the past by having too many goals at once.  Now that I am focusing on my 110 Days to 50 kg goal, my life is snapping into place.  Most importantly, my depression has let up.
 

Dinner

 
My Amy’s brown-rice-and-black-eyed-peas-with-veggies dinner is ready at the predetermined time of day:  about 4:30 PM.  I can eat, then start my intermittent fast.  If I can pull it off tonight, I will have 103- calories remaining in my calorie budget.  That would be great!  Even if I can break even, I can still lose weight.  If life becomes unbearable tonight, I can eat some sauerkraut or cabbage.  That is my backup plan.
 

Avoid Sugar Sabotage

 
Thankfully, there are no cookies in the house.  I suggest you eliminate anything sugary before getting started with this.  I ate some cookies that our HVAC people gave us last summer, and my weight has never been lower since.  If your friends and family try to sabotage you with cookies, ice cream, or other sugary treats, throw them away.  Do not keep them until you can give them away.  I was trying to do that, and it did not work.
 

Diet Diary

 
Here is my diet diary for today.
 
 

Nutrient Analysis

 
Today, my protein-to-carb ratio is closer than yesterday to my desired value.  It is .668, and my target range is .5 to 1.0.  I did not get this ratio with every meal and snack, but it averaged out okay.  That may help curb my appetite better than it has lately.  Notice that I ate a single cherry.  That is to tantalize my sweet tooth and give me some pleasure.  If I eat a bowl full of cherries, my diet is out-the-window.
 
 
I did a reasonable job of getting my vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.  Trans fats are down to zero, where they should be.  My omega-6 to omega-3 ratio is under 4.0 because I took fish oil, which can help alleviate depression.  Even without Brazil nuts, which I am temporarily out of, I got enough selenium.  Three eggs will do that, which is one reason I decided to eat them.  My sugars are more than 40 grams but still under 55 grams, which is an alternate target.  This is a nutritious day.  I will give it an A-.
 
Soon I will be showing you Trend charts, which show average nutrient intakes over time.
 

Laundry

 
I am still working on the laundry.  I got one batch washed, dried, folded, and put away.  Two more are in the washer and dryer.  I mention the laundry because I have enough energy to work on it and do more than one batch per day.  My energy level has increased over the past two days since I started this project.
 
Facebook
 
I took a brief look at Facebook, responded to one comment, and let it go.   Someday, I will spend more time on it, but that does not mean I will today.
 

Gluten

 
Some people say everyone should avoid gluten.  Others say that unless you have celiac disease or gluten sensitivity, eat gluten-containing foods because you need their nutrition.  I have sometimes avoided gluten.  At other times, I have given up on avoiding it.  Right now, I am probably eating more bread than is good for me.  What should I do?  Is more testing necessary?  A doctor tested me for celiac disease. Thankfully, I do not have it.  Does that mean I am not sensitive?  No.
 
Gluten may cause depression and mania.  Lately, I have had a lot of depression.  Is it gluten-related?  It may be.  Gluten can cause a leaky gut and reduce the absorption of nutrients.  Lack of nutrients alone could contribute to depression.  As my energy increases, I will start fixing something other than bread and milk for lunch.  That should help.
 

Fatigue

 
I am starting to feel fatigued now.  It is 6:26 PM.  All-day, I have been pushing hard.  Unfortunately, I still have more laundry to do, but it can wait until tomorrow if necessary.  I could read, but my eyes are tired.  Maybe, I will do self-hypnosis–a recording for weight loss.  Hypnosis has helped me lose weight in the past.  Let me start it now.
 
Wow!  Joseph Clough’s hypnosis mp3 refreshed me even though I did not drop into a trance.  Afterward, I folded up another batch of laundry with ease.  Also, I thought of what I could do for lunch tomorrow instead of bread:  salmon burgers.  They are gluten-free and may improve my mood.
 

Circadian Rhythm

 
I am reviewing my circadian code mindmap.  Getting the timing right for eating is as important as what to eat.  Restorative sleep, also, is essential.  Eating at the right times will help me sleep.  Adequate sleep will help me lose weight, and it will also prevent relapses of mania and depression.
 
Lately, my sleep has been challenged by my husband, who often needs services right at bedtime.  He often demands food.  I do not believe in eating right at bedtime, but my husband does not share my belief.   So that is a challenge to work on for the next 110 days and beyond.
 

Prayer

 
 
EVENING PRAYER
 
Dear Lord,
 
Gratitude
I am so grateful that my depression has lifted!  However, I realize that my project, 110 Days to 50 kg, will probably be opposed by those close to me.  Their comments have discouraged me in the recent past.  I cannot allow that to happen again.  For now, this project is a secret.  After I have achieved my aim, I will unveil it.
 
Confidence
Lord, give me the confidence to know I can and will do this.  I also want to sleep better and be free of depression as side effects.  Help me to integrate my knowledge and experience into a solution that will work for me and inspire others.  I know I can do it.  Let me overcome the roadblocks.
 
Roadblocks
My TMJ is a potential roadblock because I feel it more when I am hungry.  Today, I did a simple jaw exercise–reciting Psalm 23 (from the Bible) with an almond-milk cap in my mouth.  If I do a few simple things, my TMJ will not bother me as much.  Help me to remember to do them.  Tonight, the jaw condition is bothering me only mildly.  There is hope.
 
Integration
Help me integrate every piece of relevant knowledge and wisdom I have into an achievement I have been striving for over two years.
 
Forgive Me
I love you, Lord.  One of my friends suggested I was mad at you for not healing me.  Perhaps when I talked to him, I had that attitude.  Forgive me of that.
 
Schizoaffective disorder
Schizoaffective disorder is hugely challenging.  When you feel like everything is great and you are on top of the world, you crash with a manic episode.  Just when things are all better, they really are not.  It is devastating.  It almost makes you afraid to try making things better.
 
Imagine
What can I do?  Will you show me?  Will you help me imagine my future in such vivid detail that I can step into it?  I do not mean a manic fantasy; I have had plenty of those.  I mean something real.
 
Envision
I envision myself making these blog entries for the next 108 days.  I want to share them sometime next year.  Help me to build my email mailing list so I can do that.  I can see myself sustainably maintaining my goal weight.
 
Help me not to falter along the way.  Especially, guard me against depression.
 
Amen.
 
If you would like to join me on this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.  If you wish to download a FREE copy of my ebook (with no need to enter your name or email), click on the book below.  Please continue this journey with me by clicking on the arrows at the right of the page.
 
This information, with its diet diary, shows what worked for me.  I do not claim that it will work for you.  Consult a licensed medical provider to determine your diet and medical care.  These blog entries do not diagnose or treat any disease.  If I provide any clues for you or your provider, I will be happy.
 
 

 
 

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