Day 187, Driving Freedom

Day 187, Driving Freedom

 

Morning

 

Rescue

 
Today is a Day of Rest.  My husband and I watched a Joel Osteen program today about how God can show awesome things publicly to prove we are his children.
 
Back in the 1990’s, in Utah, I was once in a tight situation, where I started driving down a dirt trail on a steep cliff of a mountain in Provo, trying to take a shortcut to my doctor’s office.  The incline of the trail was about 45 degrees.  It seemed steeper.  Foolishly, I got stuck.  I could neither go down nor get the car back up.  I prayed, and almost instantaneously, a man with a truck and winch stopped and courteously pulled me back to the safety of the road.   To this day, I have no idea who the man was.  However, I saw a sticker on his bumper that said, “Purple Heart.”
 

Answered Prayer

 
I loved the story Joel told today about a devout man who moved houses for a living.  He had gone many miles into the country and was just about ready to unload a house, when he realized he had forgotten his main chain.  Faced with the possibility of losing an entire day for his crew, he told his men he was going to pray for a chain.  They all laughed, saying, “Is God going to rain down a chain from heaven?”  Not long after his prayer, a pickup whipped by, going too fast.  A chain fell out of it and dropped at this man’s feet.  He said something like, “Let’s get to work.  I’ve got my chain.”
 

Rescue Again

 
Remembering what had happened to me on the cliff, I do not doubt this story.  God can do awesome things.  His hand is always in our lives.
 
Back in August 2008, my husband and I were in the Sanpitch Mountains in Sanpete County.  My husband was driving his jeep down a mountain trail, when another vehicle had to pass us.  My husband passed on the outside to let the other person pass more easily.  After the pass, the jeep’s front left wheel was dangling off the trail, over a cliff that must have been about 2,000 feet deep.  The tire was just hanging in the air.  With a prayer in my heart, I went down the mountain with my water bottle.  Two women who had been leading us on four wheelers went on ahead of me.  Almost instantaneously again, a huge, wide truck came up the mountain with ropes.  A crew skillfully pulled my husband’s jeep back on the trail.    
 
God was certainly looking out for us those days and every day.  I wondered what I should write in this blog on this Day of Rest.  I could talk about the progress of my diet, but now that I have debuted on Facebook, I think the day should be dedicated to the Lord.
 

Driving Anxiety

 
A friend of mine said he would pray for me concerning my driving anxiety.  I told him that I have postponed driving the jeep for a number of trips lately.  My driving anxiety seems to be getting worse rather than better.  If I can actually get in the jeep, I can drive, but I am not likely to get myself there.  Our jeep is in the basement in a community garage.  I always seem to be finding an excuse not to drive.
 
So, my readers, will you pray for me also?  Help me to achieve driving freedom.  I have “Driving Freedom” on my vision board.  Let me share my vision board.  It is in PDF Slideshow format.  We have a red rather than a yellow jeep.
 
[Later today, this friend from Utah called me.  We discussed my driving anxiety, and he prayed for me on the phone and said he would continue praying for me.
 
My husband also prayed for me to overcome my driving anxiety, Sunday night.]
 

Afternoon

Preparing For My Day

 
5-10 things i am grateful for:
  • the many times I have been rescued by Good Samaritans
  • our red jeep
  • all of my answered prayers, including the “1979 Who’s Who in American High School Students Scholarship” I prayed for and won  (It made a big difference in getting me through college.)
  • for the devoted readers of my blog
  • the Lord’s everlasting kindness towards me
 
morning comments, feelings, ideas, moods, and empowering questions:
I am happy with the way that I am!
 
mood and energy:
 
0-100
comments
mood:
75
Feeling okay but have not been singing and dancing today.
energy:
70
I am not particularly motivated.  I am glad it is a Day of Rest.
 
accomplishments:
 
accomplishment
reason it is important
next action(s)
1
54 consecutive days of JV Life Tracker
Consistency
Continue!
2
have published 276,137 words so far on this journey since Day One
Productivity
Continue!
3
am more in love with my husband than ever
Relationships
Continue!
4
made a pitcher of gingered lemonade this morning, which boosts my mood
Joyful Vibrance
Make it whenever you want it.
 

Prayer

 
 
 
AFternoon Prayer
 
Dear Lord,
 
Will you help me beat my driving anxiety?  It is crippling my life more and more.  I want driving freedom.
 
Please, Lord, show me a miracle on this.  I have not been able to break free by myself.  I have used vision boards, hypnosis, prayer, counseling, new cars, even an annual pass.  I understand that I need to actually drive to break the anxiety, but so far that has not worked.  Nothing has permanently solved it.  Now that I am the sole driver in my household, it is all the more important to overcome this.
 
Lord, would it help to think about it differently?  From now on, it is not my driving anxiety, it is the driving anxiety I have overcome?
 
You have protected me while on the road, over and over.  I keep wishing I was not so dependent on You for that.  I have AAA. Is there anything else I can do to raise my confidence?
 
I know the answer is to just drive, but that is something I cannot get myself to do very often.  I thought about doing something like “Meals on Wheels,” but I could not encourage myself to drive that much.
 
I bought an annual pass and was planning to visit Tracy Aviary every week for a year.  I went twice.  At least I made it twice.
 
 
Since I married, I made a decision to drive every day to the rec center.  Then my neighbor offered to take me, up to five times a week.  Instead, I decided to stay home so I could prepare meals for my husband.  The daily driving has not happened.  How do I so often manage to get out of it?
 
I could grocery shop.  However, I am infinitely relieved that Instacart is doing our shopping.
 
I drove to the rehab center quite a few times, but then I started using Lyft to escape the fatigue I felt from driving.  I am glad I know how to use Lyft; I am glad I can afford it sometimes. However, that did not solve my driving anxiety.
 
Lord, you have told me what to do to overcome this:  drive frequently.  I just cannot get myself to do it.  Maybe I can get the Success Mechanism steps to work for me.  The end result is the destination.  I can get to places successfully, but I get so fatigued afterwards.
 
Maybe this is a self-image issue.  I need to see myself as an awesome driver.  My husband tells me I have good, safe driving skills.  My skill level and safety are not the problem.
 
Lord, I cannot do this alone.  I invite Your miracles into my life.  If this is just a self-image problem, I have done some preliminary work on my self-image.  Firstly, I have determined that I am careful, which is crucial when driving. Secondly, I am efficient.  The most efficient solution is often to drive somewhere.  Thirdly, I am peaceful, so there is no road rage for me.  Fourthly, I am tenacious, which means I am going to hold on until I have a solution for this.
 
Amen.
 

Evening

 
 
 
 
Evening Prayer
 
Dear Lord,
 
Is there another adjective I could install into my self-image that would not only be true, but would help me tackle my driving anxiety?  How about ‘mobile?’
 
Lord:  KaeLyn…
 
Did you call me, Lord, like Samuel of old?  I was wondering if you would consider me to be mobile.
 
Yes.
 
Of course, I do not always get around by driving a car, but yes, I have been around.  I have been in almost every state of the union.
 
What happened to computing when mobile devices came to be?
 
It exploded.
 
KaeLyn, you will explode too.
 
So ‘mobile’ is a highly desirable quality?
 
Absolutely.  Am I mobile?
 
Some say you travel by chariot of fire.  “For, behold, the Lord will come with fire, and with his chariots like a whirlwind, to render his anger with fury, and his rebuke with flames of fire” (Isaiah 66:15).
 
Yes.  You do too.  That red jeep of yours is a chariot of fire.
 
I have thought of it like that.  What can I do to bust my driving anxiety?
 
You need to travel.
 
Tomorrow, I could do some errands.  I had a trip planned February 15th that I only partially did.
 
KaeLyn, you cannot get there just by writing about it.
 
I need to drive then.  I did drive my husband to his doctors appointment.  We rejoiced over that.
 
That is good.
 
I have several problems now.  I do not want to drive.  I do not want to leave my husband alone, and I usually cannot get him to come with me.
 
Would you like some time alone?
 
Maybe.
 
I will be with you.
 
You always are.
 
KaeLyn, let us go places together.  Remember our trip to La Caille Restaurant?
 
Yes, dinner there was so special.
 
You can have more experiences like that.  How did you like the Grand America Hotel?
I felt like a queen the day and night I stayed there.  But I was manic then.  What if I start going manic while driving around again?
 
Did you have a wreck?
 
No.
 
KaeLyn, you know how to be safe, even while manic.
 
I guess that is true.  However, I get scared of going very far from home.  I am afraid of becoming disoriented.
 
So, part of this driving anxiety is related to your bipolar?
 
I think so.
 
Are you not healed?
 
On February 10th, I declared I was healed.
 
What has happened since?
 
I think I have been okay.  I still have this compulsion to write.
 
Is that part of your bipolar?
 
Not necessarily, I guess.
 
I like your writing.
 
I do too.  I have started to share it.  Hopefully, it can help my readers.
 
Do any of them suffer driving anxiety?
 
Not that I know of.
 
If they do, they will know they are not alone.
 
That is true.  Bipolar is just a label.  I have a constellation of symptoms, any of which could happen to anyone, whether or not they are diagnosed.
 
Your website, Joyful Vibrance, begins to address all kinds of mental health issues.
 
Yes.  We need more joy, more vibrancy.  Mood and energy mean a lot.  I feel rotten when I cannot get myself to drive.
 
Can you just ‘act as if’ you do not have driving anxiety?
 
I can pretend, yes.
 
Trust me, KaeLyn, you are going to be surprised.
 
Will you help me?
 
Yes.
 
Then, I will act as if I am healed of this.
 
You are an awesome driver.
 
Thanks.
 
I look forward to a new me tomorrow.
 
I love you.
 
Thank you, Lord.  I love You too.  Amen.
 
Looking back, since coming to Colorado, I have driven many places out of love for my husband.  I may have been nervous, but I did it.  Maybe the trips I did not make were not so critical.  When I need to do it, I can.
 
Tomorrow will be a new day.
 
 
If you would like to join me in this journey from the beginning, please start with Day One.
 
KaeLyn Morrill
 

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