“The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances.”
Tuesday of Holy Week
My husband was more talkative today. He even asked me about my life. Perhaps he is coming around. I enjoyed the hour we had together.
After visiting my husband in rehab, I stopped in to visit Jacque, who lives in the associated retirement complex. Her physical therapist came and coached her through back and balance exercises.
Jacque and I had a tea party. She sent me home with a purple gift bag of Easter treats. What a festive time I had with her!
Afterward, I visited with my two-doors-down neighbors. He had some questions about his iPhone. She returned my silver candlesticks from which she had removed most of the tarnish. How kind of her to do that chore for me!
This evening, I have time to write. This morning, I ate healthily, but later, I consumed too much sugar. However, I started today on the right foot. I slept two hours longer than usual, giving me 98% of my rest and relaxation target. I meditated, made a green drink with lots of celery, and checked my blood pressure. Also, I made my bed, got dressed, and scored my JV Life Tracker. I have some gaps in my tallies for the past two months. Today, I re-realized how much I rely on my app to stay on track and resolved to become consistent again.
Connecting With Values
Connecting with my values appears to work for me. I used JV Life Tracker to report the frequency with which I work on each value to its target point.
Notice that the values listed by frequency are not in sequence. I work on some of the less critical values more frequently. Value 3, which is love, is the most frequent. Value 2, rest and relaxation, is seventh. I may need to pay them more attention. Value 17, strength, is last and the most neglected. I need to resume my exercise program.
Things are quiet tonight. When he’s home, my husband interrupts me. Nevertheless, I miss him. However, I am grateful for some quiet time. The rehab center permits visitors for only one hour per day due to COVID. That rule is working in my favor. I can write again.
Inspiring Myself with My Blog
I read two blog entries of my 110 Days to 50 kg blog series. I plan to inspire myself with my own achievement to lose the weight I have gained recently from being anxious about my surgery.
The Key to Refocusing
I am still anxious, but my anxiety is not as crippling as the past few weeks. Resuming my logs is the key to refocusing. If I pay attention to one thing at a time, I prosper. Otherwise, I am a case. Vibractivity does not encourage multi-tasking, which is beneficial.
Today, a group of people at the rehab center reviewed my husband’s progress. He is doing well. However, self-sufficiency may be a long way off if it is reachable at all. He is at risk if he returns to his former lifestyle. Death may soon result. I cannot force him to do what he needs to do. The desire must come from within him. Whether we will need to get him into a long-term care facility remains to be seen.
I feel somewhat glum. However, we have days before a decision must be made. In the meantime, I need to take care of myself. This evening, I immersed myself in the Sermon on the Mount, looking for inspiration for my current situation.
Jesus spoke out against oaths. It could be that my prenuptial promise is binding me in an unhealthy way. Yes and no are the answers. Evil comes of anything more than these. However, how can I stand it if my husband kicks me out of the condo, calls me names, or yells or throws things at me? He has done these things when I do not do his will. I have given in to protect myself from his fury. However, in the long run, doing so is not beneficial for either of us.
On the bright side, I have my freedom. Tomorrow, I am getting a COVID test and Friday a COVID vaccine. My surgery is next week. Then that will be over. A friend said there must be a good reason I did not have it when initially scheduled. If I had not been home that week, my husband might have died from blood clots. Now he is receiving skilled treatment and may even become more independent.
What Do We Do?
However, if he treats me poorly when he does not get his way, he may revert. He was upset after our meeting today. I could tell that he wanted his former way of life. However, it brought him to the brink of death. Is it time to get him skilled nursing care? I have fought to keep him at home, giving every ounce of my strength to his care. What do we do?
I visited my husband this morning. He sat on a luxurious recliner. The staff brought it into his room because they do not want to tire him while sitting upright for hours at a time. He thanked me for coming.
This evening, I am getting a second COVID test before my surgery. After noticing some white-outs in my left eye’s field while driving this morning, I feel confident that getting this procedure is the intelligent thing to do.
Walk in the Park
Minutes ago, I returned from a walk to the park. The spring weather is almost too warm for my light jacket. I took my sunglasses but wore them over my hair. I need all the sunlight I can get in the short half-hour walk, and eyes are the primary pathway in.
110 Days to 50 kg
The past two days, I reviewed my weight-loss strategies in 110 Days to 50 kg. Today, the salad picture in My Depression Breaks encouraged me to fix a salad for lunch.
Another idea from my blog entries is to do a weight-loss self-hypnosis mp3. I have not yet listened to it since the start of Vision Ventures. If I can return to the same mindset, I can expect weight loss again. It takes effort to switch. Lately, anxiety has derailed me. However, my logs are helping me manage. They are a significant part of my coping strategy.
If you have not yet delved into 110 Days to 50 kg, dive in and enjoy. I must confess that I did not make it to 50 kg. I decided 52 kg was light enough. It is okay to change your goals as you progress.
Let me take a self-hypnosis break before I return.
I got the COVID test. I was not asked to blow my nose, and the nurse did not push the Q-tips to the brain. It was a breeze. Getting there was the hardest part, and fortunately for me, my neighbor drove. I am so grateful. I came home, ate, and stopped before consuming 1800 calories.
Why I Am Happy
Now I am resuming my blog. The self-hypnosis was relaxing, and I slept afterward. However, I am still tired after a long, busy day. I am feeling a bit glum. I could analyze why I am down, but that is what gets me more down. Instead, let me think of what makes me happy. I am pleased that I visited my husband and got a COVID test today. I also walked to the park in the warm spring sunshine. I freed myself from a promise I should not have made years ago. What I will do instead is say “yes” or “no,” as Jesus taught. If I say no to my husband’s habit, there will be consequences, but if I say yes, he is sure to die soon. I do not think he wants that.
My husband cannot seat himself in a recliner. He requires help to straighten his body. He cannot get in or out of bed alone either. I am hoping that rehab will help him regain some of his abilities. However, I am pretty sure that not all of the damage is reversible. He needs motivation right now. Sadly, his aim is to return home, lie on the living room mattress, watch TV, and drink. Though he is happy with that life, it will not work for him. He must move, or he will die.
I called Jacque, and she said another prayer for me. She was in the hospital recently. As a result, her retirement complex quarantined her for fourteen days. She has been vaccinated. However, that did not free her from that restriction. My husband is also in quarantine. He had a COVID test recently.
I pray the pandemic will be over. However, I do not believe in burning your mask prematurely. The fight with the virus is not won.
I am getting the Moderna vaccine tomorrow. My second dose will be on the last day of the month.